Aphelion

You're right. I think I can get it down to 2 paragraphs before the action (instead of 2 pages). I feel kind of ashamed I didn't pick up on the show/tell problems earlier.<br><br>Oh well at least everyone is saying the same thing.<br><br>I should really read some of the other stories on here, don't w...

Yeah, that was about my fourth try at a beginning. I was having major show/tell issues throughout the whole story, because I had an entire world in mind, and I wasn't sure how divulge it in a way that didn't burn words.<br><br>Also, I'm worried that if I back the camera up too far I'll lose some of ...