Paying The Price by Damian Delao
Posted: July 28, 2012, 12:45:31 AM
Now I hope to never read the phrase "pay the price" again.
In a story this short, any such thing should not be used more than twice. SEVEN times is more than should be used in a novel. The repetition ruined it for me.
The repetition ruined it for me.
The repetition ruined it for me.
Get the point?
If it hadn't been for that, this would have been a good story -- quite good, actually; this writer has a talent for description.
A hint, Damian: if you want to keep repeating a phrase in a short work, make it a poem instead of prose. Throw those phrases in at the end of each stanza, and you'll get away with it just fine. People like that in poetry; they expect it; they won't get annoyed by it the way I did with this story.
I hope you don't think I'm being too harsh, but the repetition ruined it for me.
In a story this short, any such thing should not be used more than twice. SEVEN times is more than should be used in a novel. The repetition ruined it for me.
The repetition ruined it for me.
The repetition ruined it for me.
Get the point?
If it hadn't been for that, this would have been a good story -- quite good, actually; this writer has a talent for description.
A hint, Damian: if you want to keep repeating a phrase in a short work, make it a poem instead of prose. Throw those phrases in at the end of each stanza, and you'll get away with it just fine. People like that in poetry; they expect it; they won't get annoyed by it the way I did with this story.
I hope you don't think I'm being too harsh, but the repetition ruined it for me.