Re: "Between" by T. Richard Williams
Posted: November 22, 2012, 04:54:19 PM
"New constellations" -- since when? It's still in the same solar system, for pity's sake!
And, before that:
And then the primitive living conditions on a terraformed planet -- who the hell allowed anyone to begin polluting the place with wood fires so soon? Modern and primitive aren't fitting together very well here.
I don't think the extremely chopped-up style helps this story any, especially as continued throughout. Small doses of this are effective. A steady diet of it is just -- bothersome. Kind of a statement: look what I can do. Well, don't do it so much.
And, before that:
which I first mistook as a descriptive of another character -- and then wondered, 'what does that mean?'Athena-grey eyes
And then the primitive living conditions on a terraformed planet -- who the hell allowed anyone to begin polluting the place with wood fires so soon? Modern and primitive aren't fitting together very well here.
I don't think the extremely chopped-up style helps this story any, especially as continued throughout. Small doses of this are effective. A steady diet of it is just -- bothersome. Kind of a statement: look what I can do. Well, don't do it so much.