Aphelion

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a Mary Sue in our midst.

You know, I honestly can't be sure if this author is extraordinarily clumsy or really wry and clever, but the story is pretty funny either way. The question is whether it was meant to be funny or not. Maybe the author will tell us.

One thing I found annoying was the use of commas when semicolons were needed.

Lester

Thanks for the input, I always appreciate honest opinions, still learning about writing every day.
The story is supposed to be amusing, although I would never claim to be clever or witty!
Comma and Semicolon misdemeanour has been commented upon twice recently and hopefully will sink in

Hmm, you have certainly given me a lot to think about and I will definitely try out your tip for semicolon/commas as I struggle there.

I think perhaps I also need to put a bit more thought into what I want to say in my story rather that settle for light-hearted fluff

It is very helpful to receive thoughtful criticism, so thank you.

Thank you, Mark, it's good to be on board.