Aphelion

The type of story that gets better as you read!

Started out slow and predictable----lost in space and nobody around. But Alex’s thoughts became the story, and as each event unfolded itself, Alex transmitted his thoughts and feelings to us almost as if he were showing them! Nice touch!

I found it hard to believe that a dead planet could have insects, but after running into Derv and his gang, insects on what the computer labeled as a dead planet became possible.

Derv. A entity the lives on another’s thoughts! Nothing new here, but Derv and his gang of telepaths did interest me by coming into the story at a very appropriate time.

Alex discovers Derv’s motives and figures out a defense against it! Yoga. No thoughts and the gang of telepaths can’t feed. And I really thought that Alex was going to come though and fix his converter. But, alias, Derv and his gang of telepaths never really die. They just become dormant until thoughts transmit from a host! Then they wake and grow.

Alex had no chance at the end. Even if he entered into a trance and blocked out all his thoughts time would continue to flow. And eventually his food and water would run out and he would starve.

The more he thought about the problem of installing his converter, the more food he generated for Derv and his gang.

I liked the twist at the ending“….after we’ve had time to think about it.”

The writing was good, I thought, and story development excellent.

A little more character development with Derv and his gang would have helped. Derv was very bland and the others just numbers with no personalities at all.


Nice job!!  

There's "immortal" and there's immortal ... As you say, Derv claimed (and demonstrated) that his kind couldn't starve to death, but they may have succumbed to other threats to which they were not immune. (The trap-door spider approach may occasionally have captured prey with BFGs that vaporized the vampiroids, and immortal beings typically have very low rates of reproduction.) And hitching a ride to a thought- (or thinker-) rich environment would have exposed Derv's kind to large enough numbers of guys with BFGs to threaten extinction.

Did Alex's communication gear allow for anything other than a distress beacon? Did Derv's people have time to conceal Alex's ship before the rescue mission arrived? Dunno. These questions make it at least possible that Alex (and whoever arrived in the other derelict ship before him) COULDN'T transmit or leave any kind of warning.

Could Alex take physical action against one or more of Derv's people without THINKING? Maybe, but once he attacked one of them, the rest could go into hiding, and they would be able to drain his strength as soon as he tried to find them. And by the time Derv revealed that he was still alive, Alex was presumably very weak himself from fatigue and dwindling supplies, so the outcome of a physical struggle would be in doubt.

I just had a thought. Could Alex generate poisoned thoughts? Thoughts that would kill Derv or make and keep him dormant?

Just a thought

Ignoring the "DUH, it's just a story" factor, how is psychic vampirism supposed to work? I haven't read a lot of psi-vampire stories, but I know they're out there. How do authors of such contend the process works?

If they feed of the brain waves he gives off, he gives them off even when the vampires aren't absorbing them, sending them off into the ether without any ill effects. If it's his biochemical electricity, again, he makes that anyway. Are these guys sucking the energy out faster than he can make it? That really doesn't make sense either. If their bodies were not actually physical but instead only a representation, growing and shinking would be fine.

Is there a "credible" way (something loosely based on the laws of physics) that psychic vampirism could actually happen? I'd like to read that.

Now, emotional vampires I believe in. My best friend married one, and she sucked all the joy right out of him... but that's another story. ;D

Nate

To quote the theater owner in "Shakespeare in Love":

It's a mystery.

:-?