Coils in the Dark by M. N. Tarrint
Posted: March 20, 2013, 06:36:51 PM
opener
Not too bad. I didn't know how it was going to turn out, and the ending wasn't quite what I might have expected.
The author needs very much to do one thing with this story -- use some kind of separator, like # or * to signify scene changes. I got thrown three or four times by big jumps in the timeline that came with no warning.
Otherwise, creepy and cool.