Aphelion

Dennis,
Welcome! Hope your Thanksgiving was pleasant.

I read the story, but couldn't figure out quite what to say about it for a while.

I think you've done a fair job with the scientific end of the subject matter, and octopodes are fascinating critters, certainly. However, the overall tone of it seemed rather distant, perhaps clinical, for the most part; I wasn't too moved by it. Maybe the length is too much, and/or the pacing too slow and even.

Brodsky's character seems -- well, uncharacteristic, for someone in his position; I can't figure out a reason for his attitudes toward Mollie (though the reason for her attitude toward him is abundantly clear). We don't get to see how he feels or acts toward the other creatures in his care, though, so it's harder to know if it's just her.

I think the basic idea is a good one, but the story needs some work.

Lester Curtis wrote:I think you've done a fair job with the scientific end of the subject matter, and octopodes are fascinating critters, certainly. However, the overall tone of it seemed rather distant, perhaps clinical, for the most part; I wasn't too moved by it. Maybe the length is too much, and/or the pacing too slow and even.

That's interesting. I certainly do not want to discount your view of it. You've shown yourself to be far too good of a critic for that.

However, I really have to disagree. Perhaps it just shows we all have different tastes, but this was my favorite story of the bunch this month.

I thought Mollie's plight and character were compelling, and her actions very human, which is what drew me to her. Russ watching, on the surface, would logically seem to distance him from the play of the plot, but I viewed him more as her voice. As I saw him, her actions only became "human" by him experiencing the "play" in front of him. His "dialog" spoke to us for her. To me, he was absolutely integral to it all.

Brodsky may have been a bit one dimensional, I'll grant that, but in my mind his tormenting actions and his subsequent murder were secondary to Russ discovering Mollie's humanity. Honestly, where Russ thought the touch on the cheek was saying goodbye (which would be a very human thing indeed), I saw instead as her checking to make sure he was ok. He was sleeping and could have looked dead to her--her only friend. Perhaps there could have been a double meaning to the gesture, but for me it really cemented her humanity.

Of course, in my current job, I fully understand a trapped feeling and knowing that there are people who irritate my environment, making it hard to get by... That could also have been a factor, I suppose.

Nate

storyguy wrote: And as to Nate's thoughtful comment on Mollie touching Russ' cheek, I tried to convey the idea of Mollie's loneliness and her need to connect with another living being. It was what I thought would make Mollie unique.

Nate was right about that, and you did a nice job with it -- very effective.