Re: Unbearable by Ed Sullivan
Posted: July 12, 2014, 08:21:21 PM
I found the dialog stiff in this one--not enough contractions--and it came across as somewhat of a dialog-as-infodump technique. Narrative sometimes is your friend, and would have improved this story. Attribute tags would have been preferable to the bold font, too.
You also failed to consider an obvious point: they could have landed on the other side of the planet, where it was daylight, or just waited in orbit for local sunrise.
Another inconsistency: their cargo hold is supposedly full of food--eucalyptus leaves. If this is what they came for--local produce--then they're free to leave (no pun intended). If this food is being imported, they could just quit importing it and let the little monsters all starve to death; they were going to sterilize or poison them anyway.
Koalas . . . I've sometimes thought they were too cute to be entirely trustworthy.
Keep trying, Ed. This was fun, but it's got too many plot-holes.
You also failed to consider an obvious point: they could have landed on the other side of the planet, where it was daylight, or just waited in orbit for local sunrise.
Another inconsistency: their cargo hold is supposedly full of food--eucalyptus leaves. If this is what they came for--local produce--then they're free to leave (no pun intended). If this food is being imported, they could just quit importing it and let the little monsters all starve to death; they were going to sterilize or poison them anyway.
Koalas . . . I've sometimes thought they were too cute to be entirely trustworthy.
Keep trying, Ed. This was fun, but it's got too many plot-holes.