Captain Pops by J. Eckert Lytle
Posted: July 15, 2014, 10:55:29 PM
Crew insulting the captain--mmm, not so sure things should,or would get that informal. That exchange sounded just a little over-the-top. Otherwise, the dialog was pretty decent. Good setting work, too. Characterization of the captain is good; mostly missing for other characters, but that's okay, it's not their story.
Parts of the creature's description were given twice; some of that could be trimmed.
I liked the way the POV switched back and forth between past and present. Smoothly done.
Continuity problem: after the first crash, the captain's helmet is missing, but shortly later it seems to be back in place--he's using its microphone. A few small mechanical errors; mostly punctuation.
Pleasant surprise at the ending. One critter down, (n-1) remaining, and at that point, the captain really should head back for some medical attention. He might not; his type has an affinity for dying in the saddle. He does have a good reason to step back, though.
Overall impression: it seemed a little rough or hurried; still, I liked it.
Parts of the creature's description were given twice; some of that could be trimmed.
I liked the way the POV switched back and forth between past and present. Smoothly done.
Continuity problem: after the first crash, the captain's helmet is missing, but shortly later it seems to be back in place--he's using its microphone. A few small mechanical errors; mostly punctuation.
Pleasant surprise at the ending. One critter down, (n-1) remaining, and at that point, the captain really should head back for some medical attention. He might not; his type has an affinity for dying in the saddle. He does have a good reason to step back, though.
Overall impression: it seemed a little rough or hurried; still, I liked it.