Aphelion

javanmard -<br><br>Thanks for the help. I know very little (OK, nothing at all) about Arabic. <br><br>I actually learned the phrase from friends of mine who are Black Muslim, who do use it as a goodbye, as well, to mean "God be with you". The response is usually "Alaakum Asalaam", which I understood to mean roughly "and with you". <br><br>Thanks again for the insight -- glad you liked it!

Well done, Frank!<br><br>Last time out, I suggested some more description and more work on motivation... Don't know if you read that or not, but you did a heck of a good job of it here. <br><br>I'd still suggest employing more of the senses to add to the depth and feel of the setting, but this is a minor quibble. I had a way better image in my head of the shop, the riot cage, the alley behind the shop, & even the spot where the shootout took place than in Adonis' cab or the bar in "Barflies." <br><br>And it helped. Mahmoud's shop spoke to me, and helped strike a cord of sympathy. I admired the stubborn desire to keep his shop open and succeed by doing the right thing. <br><br>The whole story leads to the twist and double meaning of the American dream. It was all about what drives and motivates him, and despite his meta abilities, I think this fellow might be the most human character of your set. <br><br>The pace might have been a teeny bit slow as the interior monologue tells rather than shows his past, but it was good human motivation source material, and it helped support the ending. <br><br>Other than two little nitpicks, I can't say enough good things here. Well crafted plot, good character development... Plus, the ending tied back in with the opener admirably.<br><br><br>Top drawer material.<br><br>Nate