Aphelion

I'm afraid I can't comment much on this one because I can't figure out what it's supposed to be about (though there are hints).

So, I'll point out one of the problems it had.

The merchant's voice had an annoying buzz whenever he spoke, "My apologies, Signor. It is my wife. She is very ill. She doesn't know what she is doing. I am afraid she is in bed and cannot come to the door."

"No, I am not. I know exactly what I am doing! He is a monster!"

This stopped me, and I had to go back and forth a couple times to figure out that the second person is the guy's wife. Simple fix: give it an attribute tag.

As to the rest of it, well, the story just doesn't seem to go anywhere.