Damn Nate, you don't beat about the bush, do you? Yeah! Game on! ;D
<br>Thankfully, I know you enjoy a good discussion. Plus, I believe you'd rather hear exactly what I thought rather than me blowing smoke. <br><br>
Actually, when I started out on this story, I had no such goal in mind. Originally, the working title of this story was "Murder #1", and called for Robert and Jehova to fake their own deaths in order to escape the three holies. Then Bill Wolfe wrote "Where Angels Fear To Tread", wherein he kindly defined the rules of godhood in the Mare universe. Dan helped me to see that the original plot for my story wasn't very good, and I decided to change it, using Bill's new rules. Now, Robert and Jehova would indeed seek refuge in the Pantheon room, where they would meet the real Jehova, the god, who had been created by the faith of all the followers resulting from the sociology experiment on Earth. After a while, I got to thinking about the rules and their ramifications. I reasoned that a god would be created only if the faith had no existing focal point. But in this case it had one, Jehova, the sociology professor. And so finally, I ended up with the plot the story now has. So you see, even though it seems very thought out, it's actually just the way things turned out. I didn't plan it this way from the beginning.
<br>Well, regardless of how it came to be, the net effect is the same, isn't it? It still wound up being a story about re-throning God, or so it seemed to me.<br><br>
True, but many Mare stories don't really impact the universe as such. They merely utilize the Mare Inebrium as a backdrop for whatever story is told. Unlike Nightwatch, where every story is deeply rooted in the universe, and serves to further develop that universe, as well as a continuing storyline. But Deus does actually impact the Mare universe quite a bit. One of the things I wanted to accomplish (once I had the plot established) was to provide a proper description of the Pantheon room, something no one had done before. Also, I wanted to explain Elvis' presence there. I think I accomplished both of these things. Also, several of the characters are deeply rooted in the Mare universe. Max, Trixie, the Reever and Elvis are all existing characters.
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I never intended Robert to be a gripping character. He's not the focal point of either story, he's just the medium through which it is told. Just as a war correspondent doesn't have to be a soldier, and a sports commentator doesn't have to be an athlete. Robert is an uniteresting guy who's had interesting things happen to him. I don't personally identify with Robert either.
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I'd say it depends on what you're trying to accomplish with the story. Neither story was ever intended to touch anyone on an emotional level, only on an intellectual one.
<br>I have to admit to never having read a war correspondent's story, but I have seen a few documentaries about the correspondents in WWII. As I understand them, such correspondents didn't paint themselves into the stories they were telling as characters, but instead told the stories of the GIs around them. They would focus on their hardships, or endearing traits, their struggles--human stories, rather than about troop movements, descriptions of the latest tank, or the weave of the curtains in Patton's headquarters. <br><br>As someone who has read a few Mare stories (7 or 8 of the 60), I may be interested in an intellectual discourse about these places and characters, and therefore I may read on for that reason alone. <br><br>However, published writers don't write for themselves. If they did, their story would still be in a dusty notebook or file on their own computer and nowhere else. Instead, this was published here, in the hopes that others would read it, and perhaps enjoy it as well. Following that pseudo-logic, you hoped to make a connection with readers, if for no other reason than to keep them paging down until they reached the end (because it hurts when they don't finish your story).<br><br>If you want to connect with them, then a story can't just be an exploration of possibilities. One precludes the other. This isn't an essay. It's a story. The reader has to have a reason to
want to read on, and I think the only real, strong connection one can make with a story's audience (and thereby guarantee they're going to read on) is an emotional one.<br><br>
Overall, I have to say that I pretty much agree with everything you say Nate. I think the problem is that my intentions behind the story did not match your expectations of it.
<br>I'd perhaps change "expectations" for "hopes," but yes, that could well be so.<br><br>
I want to comment on one more thing. In your original comments for the story (that you sent me personally), you commented a lot on my use of present tense. I just want to say that most instances of it in the story are quite deliberate. Yes, the story is told in the past tense, but it is also told in the first person. Given that combination, the use of present tense is quite valid on occasion. For instance, the difference between "I didn't know" and "I don't know" can be the difference between "I found out later" and "I still haven't a clue".
<br>You may have to check with Jeff, since my English degree may be a bit rusty, but I don't believe that is the correct usage. In order for those present tense bits to be there, you'd need a definite running narrative voice-over, or asides where the tense could all jump to the future, instead of telling the story from the past.<br><br>As an example, there was a western movie starring Dustin Hoffman that came out in 1970 called
Little Big Man. The storyline was supposed to be that Hoffman's character was recounting the events of his life to a biographer. We as an audience would see the asides when they showed the old Hoffman, and heard his voice-overs as the younger Hoffman acted out what happened. The voice-over character could use present tense, such as to say "and I never did find out... etc." and that worked. But that's not the same as seeing it all through the younger character's eyes and switching tense back and forth.<br><br>It is true that you started with that as an opener, but once the "story" began, I never got that sense of "voice-over separation" that would make this work.<br><br>Nate