Aphelion

I'm not a fan of these stories, and haven't critiqued the last 2 or 3.

My reviews were usually rather critical, and just seemed to make Robert angry, so I figured it didn't serve the greater good to keep doing comments.

But, well, there has been a call for more discussion, so I thought I'd try it again.

Bearing in mind that Robert and I have been arguing from almost the moment I arrived here, I'm trying really hard to keep these comments purely in the vein of intellectual discourse and not put any attitude behind them. So, if you see any, it was not intentional, I promise.


First of all, this is what I like about these stories:

Al and his crew are clever, interesting characters. They have well-developed personalities, complex histories and interactions, and all-in-all feel like real people (even though Githros isn't a person).

The overarching plot line, the accidental waking of Morgenstern and the eventual need to put him back into the grave (in what should be a hell of a fight) is a good one. It allows for character development, human conflict between husband and wife or friends. That is, no loved one wants to see another in a fight to the death, or have their own lives threatened. Janine, being human, has to be proud, more in love with Al… and a little resentful of her husband. Her life was uprooted. Baldies tried to kill her in her own home. It would be natural for her to be a bit conflicted. That's good stuff to read.

These stories are funny, or at least amusing. I know from experience that humor is not easy.

Many ideas in the series are delightfully original, and smart: A world of lion people who need to prove their own lineage. Surrounding mana sinks with water-filled crystal to shield their effect. A "big lug" demon as a familiar who heals Al in exchange for drinking a little blood. Al hired to free a store of a gang of ghosts. Again, good stuff.


The down side:

The lack of five senses thing usually bothers me, but I know Robert is immune to those comments, so I won't dwell on it.

Jumping to the meat of the matter, I think the villains in the series are underpowered not given proper character development. Al is quite a hero, and thus needs a suitable villain. Morgenstern may be nearly all-powerful, but that's not shown. By that I mean we see messages written in mountains and parking lots, we hear other's discussing how bad he is, but don't see it first hand much. He fought Al only once, I believe, and left just when he might have won.

To explain, compare Morgenstern with Voldemort. Both are super-powerful manifestations of evil, both started out helpless until made whole by another, both are surrounded by fanatic disciples, and both plot the demise of their adversary. The big difference seems to me to be in witnessing more of Voldemort first-hand and his reactions. We see him rely on Wormtail and Barty Jr., and see him argue with Lucius. Not so with Morgenstern, and that lack of interaction or personal development seems to me to keep him a less "full" character. Most good villains are a bit likeable or at least show themselves worthy of respect. Morgenstern is fairly one-dimensional, in my opinion.

Morgenstern is only mentioned in this one, but he seems to be representative for the characterization of all villains in these stories. Here, the bad lion, Rraagrraal, makes no appearance until the end, and is therefore more of an extra than a developed character. Without that development or showing what he was capable of, I never feared even a little for Al.

While the overarching series plot is good, this individual story's plot comes off soggy in the mid-section, I think. I believe plots need a beginning with introduction of the problem, and this is there. Grrool hires them on and they know what the problem is. Next, I look for a middle with rising action, which raises the tension, building momentum that makes me want to keep reading. There doesn't seem to be much of this, or I missed it. As mentioned above, Al seemed perfectly safe to me the whole time. Finally, I want to read a conclusion that releases tension and resolves the conflict in some meaningful, dramatic way. I didn't feel any tension or much drama, but the conflict was, indeed, resolved.


Again, no malice was intended. I have brought up points like these before, and do so here for discussion's sake. I believe they would make these stories stronger and this series better.


Nate

PS. On a lighter note, how many "Matter of" phrases do you have left? :)

Nate, you are probably right in many of these comments. The series "just growed" -- I had no idea that there would be a Morgenstern until he actually became a problem. I haven't had a lot of development of the Big M because I have almost always stuck with Al as the over-the-shoulder character -- we usually see and experience what he sees and experiences. The Billy / Janine sequence in 'A Matter of Time', and the Janine solo sequence in 'A Matter of Taste' are two of the exceptions; the very brief Morgenstern scene at the end of 'A Matter of Urgency' is the most significant departure from this 'rule'. I suppose that an attack by Morgenstern on the Conlegium itself could be 'recorded' and played back (hey, scene for a future story); then we could 'watch' and 'listen' as the Big M rants away at one of our established characters (Blackstone, perhaps, as the Master of Combat Magic) and a few lesser Masters.

I suspect that if I started showing more Morgenstern-focused scenes, somebody will complain about that; he may have god-like powers, but he talks like a Go'a'uld System Lord, and is only funny by accident (and, as I said, it would be a departure from the Al-centric viewpoint.

I don't actually recall Morgenstern having devoted disciples. He had the 49, who sold their souls to him in exchange for power while they lived, but they're all dead (and more-than-dead). Who else did you have in mind? Keep in mind that it was EASY to trigger his resurrection -- if he had any living adherents, they could have done so. (Al just happened to be the first one to do a Summoning after the last of the 49 was buried in the plots near Morgenstern's crypt...)

"You can't pleeeeez everyone, so you got to please yourself."

Robert "Smell THIS!" M. ;)

(Whimper) Well, at least I know a few people are reading the stories ... :'(

I'd give Al more challenging foes, but everything up to this point has built him up to be maybe the most powerful magician around (aside from Morgenstern) ... Maybe what he needs is to run into a demon several levels beyond Githros in power and rank. Of course, I'll have to come up with a 'Matter' title that fits ...

Robert "You'll swallow this pap, and like it" M.

Or, for Seinfeld fans, 'A Matter of de Newman' ...

I don't actually recall Morgenstern having devoted disciples. He had the 49, who sold their souls to him in exchange for power while they lived, but they're all dead (and more-than-dead). Who else did you have in mind? Keep in mind that it was EASY to trigger his resurrection -- if he had any living adherents, they could have done so. (Al just happened to be the first one to do a Summoning after the last of the 49 was buried in the plots near Morgenstern's crypt...)

Would the Baldies count (or whomever pulls their strings)?

While I certainly wasn't saying your creative well has gone dry, there may be something to Bill's notion that you take some suggestions on how to beef up Morgenstern & the conflict, if you are open to it. After all, they're just suggestions. You're in creative control.

How much time have you spent mapping out Morgenstern as a character with traits, wants, weaknesses, habits, etc?

There's a really good chart for that here:
http://www.eclectics.com/articles/character.html

Somewhere I saw a formatted pdf version of that, but can't find the link. I've only done it a few times, but I thought it helped a great deal in turning a character into what felt like a real person.

Nate

I don't actually recall Morgenstern having devoted disciples. He had the 49, who sold their souls to him in exchange for power while they lived, but they're all dead (and more-than-dead). Who else did you have in mind? Keep in mind that it was EASY to trigger his resurrection -- if he had any living adherents, they could have done so. (Al just happened to be the first one to do a Summoning after the last of the 49 was buried in the plots near Morgenstern's crypt...)

Would the Baldies count (or whomever pulls their strings)?

While I certainly wasn't saying your creative well has gone dry, there may be something to Bill's notion that you take some suggestions on how to beef up Morgenstern & the conflict, if you are open to it. After all, they're just suggestions. You're in creative control.

How much time have you spent mapping out Morgenstern as a character with traits, wants, weaknesses, habits, etc?

There's a really good chart for that here:
http://www.eclectics.com/articles/character.html

Somewhere I saw a formatted pdf version of that, but can't find the link. I've only done it a few times, but I thought it helped a great deal in turning a character into what felt like a real person.

Nate

Nah, the Baldies are a Waldorf salad of their own making: a collection of fruits, nuts, and vegetables, some of whom are quite dangerous, but most of whom are wand fodder (even a non-Talented person can handle them with blasting (or other) wands prepared by a competent wizard).

Morgenstern was driven by ego and vanity even when he was alive. Last surviving heir to a great magical tradition (and great wealth), he never had children (since they would be potential rivals -- once he became immortal). He bought the loyalty (and the souls) of the 49 with cash and enchanted artifacts that granted immediate power-without-training. Otherwise, he had no real friends; he viewed those with power comparable to his own as enemies, and all others as pawns.

It never occurred to him that Al could use the Morgenstern grimoires to become a wizard of considerable power and skill; now he resents Al's rapid progress and even fears him (especially since Al's attack with the encapsulated mana sinks actually harmed him in ways he does not understand). His magically-enhanced physical perfection has been ruined by scars his magic can't heal; Al has grown in Morgenstern's eyes from a petty annoyance (a debt still unbalanced, or worse, a debt overpaid) to a foe to be respected, although still inferior, to a genuine threat.

It's hard to believe in your own godhood when a mere mortal wizard can somehow thwart your will, and that is something that Morgenstern can not tolerate.

(Stung by the lukewarm to downright chilly reviews, I'm working on a story in which Morgenstern figures prominently, one that will allow him to chew some scenery, spit it out, grind it into the carpet, and generally show how dangerous it is for someone who was borderline psychotic before he died frustrated and friendless to have the power to crush mountains. (This is NOT the Big Finale, by the way, but will showcase Morgenstern -- and Janine, if the story goes in the direction I think it's going.)

Robert "Khan Noonian Singh was Morgenstern's idol" M.

(Stung by the lukewarm to downright chilly reviews, I'm working on a story in which Morgenstern figures prominently, one that will allow him to chew some scenery, spit it out, grind it into the carpet, and generally show how dangerous it is for someone who was borderline psychotic before he died frustrated and friendless to have the power to crush mountains. (This is NOT the Big Finale, by the way, but will showcase Morgenstern -- and Janine, if the story goes in the direction I think it's going.)

Robert "Khan Noonian Singh was Morgenstern's idol" M.

My advice is to focus on the human side and not just make it about showing his power. Morgie may be a heavy hitter, but mere humans have to feel the brunt of it, and figure out how to survive.

(And don't be so down on yourself. This was not a *bad* story.)

Nate

This is the second story in the Al Majius series that I have read. And like the first one, this one is also creative, easy to follow, and full of interesting characters that come alive as the story develops. A pure imaginary world that is entertaining, full of surprises---one never knows who or what or what-ever-it-is will need the help of professionals, when realizing that magic might be involved.

I could see the characters in action and loved the one liners. Character development grew with the story-- no jumps or long detailed explanations-- by the proper use of words and phrases.  

I liked this one too, but to be honest, I liked A 'Matter of Horror' a little better.

I should read more Fanatasy, and maybe even dark Fanatasy, but I don't have the time.


Will be looking forward to another Al Majius story in the future!