Aphelion

I thought the giveaway was the second sentence: "two USAF interceptors thundered through the cold, star speckled sky, thoughts of Christmas cheer, Santa Claus and egg-nog far behind as they closed on their target with deadly intent." I figured, in a December issue, what else could they be chasing?<br><br>I also agree that this story could have been much older. Except maybe for the speeds involved, the "Gulf" could just as easily have been Vietnam's Gulf of Tonkin, especially given the DEW line reference in the blurb.<br><br>While this story displayed admirable sentiments, it was also not without faults. Grammar, spelling, and punctuation have already been mentioned. The most glaring other kind of error to me was that Elmendorf and Eielson are listed as the competing bases, but the pilot makes his landing at an apparent military installation in Yakutat. Perhaps this last one is the city where one of those bases is located, but since this is not spelled out, it just sounded like a new location thrown in or an error.<br><br>How does one’s mouth feel “coppery”?<br><br>I felt the setting was less than real. I'm no fighter pilot, but I did once have the privilege of sitting in a retired cockpit simulator in an aviation museum. The setting is surreal enough with all the lights, bells, and whistles turned off--I can't imagine how otherworldly it is when something goes awry and those thousand indicators scream at you at the same time. Yakutat was barely a mention. An ILS HUD I can only guess at from video games. Seagrave and Pierce fire trucks are manufactured not that far from where I live, so I can picture the various rescue vehicles, but I doubt every reader can fill in those gaps quite so easily. The house, kitchen, tree... all good, but missed opportunities for world building, or to show their solidity vs. the ethereal world of flight and combat, and therefore reinforce the emotional effect of conclusion. In the house some other senses were finally brought into play with smell of fresh-baked cookies, but there was room for more improvement there.<br><br>The conundrum of the main character was good, and earned him the required sympathy for an audience to get behind him early on. That part was well done. He grew as a result of his actions, and I was all for that, but I would have liked to see him make a choice of some kind that created the path to the plot's resolution. Without the need for a choice, it was hard to put a finger on what was the point of climax in the story. Now if he recognized Santa right off, and had to choose to fire or not, that would be a plot thick with tension. Or if someone else fired, and he had to put himself in the way to save Christmas--that would have been a plot I would have stood up and cheered for.<br><br>There wasn't much dialogue except for the internal monologue within the main character, but it did a good job. I think some of that jargon is required to convey a military feeling.<br><br>So, all in all, not bad, but could have been better. <br><br>(Santa's going to leave me coal now. I just know it. :))<br><br>Nate<br>

First, I’d like to thank all who posted reviews on my story, as the comments are much appreciated.<br><br>I’d like to say at the outset, that I must plead guilty to the many spelling/grammar errors, my only defense being the forest and trees myopia. No matter how many times I edit my own work I fail to see what is so obvious once the mistake is pointed out. I shall endeavor to correct this in future efforts.<br><br>A few comments that took me by surprise were the ones concerning the intent of the story. Having worked at Eielson Air Force base, and after chatting with the pilots, I learned about the ‘Bear in the air’ and the on going feud with Elmendorf. That in it self was interesting, but only one element of a possible story, the second parts came after a fun Christmas spent with my two daughters and the belief in magic. Both grew up around me, and haven’t completely lost their belief in that unexplainable mystery. We see it in a beautiful sunrise or sunset, holding a newborn baby in your hands, or the wonder of a thunderstorm despite this high tech world we now live in. It’s all around us if only we took the time to look. So what if someone needed a little kick in the butt to remind him that the magic is still there, if only he’d take the time to see it. That’s where Santa comes in. Mix a little high tech with a little magic, and what do you have? Maybe all of us need to take a moment to see the wonderful innocent expression on a child’s face, and their belief in the impossible. In a way, we are all Santa Clause to someone.<br><br>Merry Christmas and a very happy New Year to you all. Thanks again.<br><br>(Please excuse any S-G’s in this reply) <br>

<br> The story flowed with moment to moment action!<br><br> And it kept me interested and focused!<br><br> Nice Christmas story!<br><br><br> I'm always hopping that somewhere some writer<br><br> will top Charles Dicken's "A Christmas Carol"