I have read, I think, 2 steampunk stories, both here in Aphelion, so I am absolutely no expert on this.
Your men have basically civil war era cannons, but the homage ship Thunderchild has heat rays, just like the aliens?
Did I understand it right that one or the other of the ships went nuclear?
Is this typical for this genre?
Is the entire story through log entries? That's got to make it awfully hard to avoid telling instead of showing.
Excerpt: Steampunk Novel
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- Lester Curtis
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I liked the first part you posted the best . . . I thought you did an excellent job of capturing the language and attitude of a Civil War-era officer.
I didn't care as much for the later excerpt, though I can't say why. It's good writing, certainly, very engaging action.
Two things: First, I'm a little put off by your use of H. G.'s Martians; you could pretty easily change that. I'm not a steam-punk fan, though; your target audience might not be bothered. And, it does lend itself well to the period.
The other thing: when the Martian lander blew -- obviously a nuke, and I suspect, a self-destruct device -- it took out Atlanta, but didn't toast the artillerymen on the mountain, who could not have been a safe distance away (I don't think). How far off were they? You may need to explain that . . . they were seeing enough detail with telescopes, so the distance couldn't have been too great.
Great job so far!
I didn't care as much for the later excerpt, though I can't say why. It's good writing, certainly, very engaging action.
Two things: First, I'm a little put off by your use of H. G.'s Martians; you could pretty easily change that. I'm not a steam-punk fan, though; your target audience might not be bothered. And, it does lend itself well to the period.
The other thing: when the Martian lander blew -- obviously a nuke, and I suspect, a self-destruct device -- it took out Atlanta, but didn't toast the artillerymen on the mountain, who could not have been a safe distance away (I don't think). How far off were they? You may need to explain that . . . they were seeing enough detail with telescopes, so the distance couldn't have been too great.
Great job so far!