Posted: January 26, 2010, 03:16:27 PM
I had a hard time reading this. Due to a great many problems with grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure, I was forced to stop and start over quite often to try and make sense of things that should have been clear.
If you haven't already, add this to your writer's toolkit:
"The Elements of Style," by William Strunk and E. B. White
Another I like is:
"Woe Is I," by Patricia T. O'Conner -- lots of fun to read.
There was also some confusion in my mind about the roles of aliens in the story.
Beyond that, the story looks promising. Keep at it.
If you haven't already, add this to your writer's toolkit:
"The Elements of Style," by William Strunk and E. B. White
Another I like is:
"Woe Is I," by Patricia T. O'Conner -- lots of fun to read.
There was also some confusion in my mind about the roles of aliens in the story.
Beyond that, the story looks promising. Keep at it.