If your aim is to improve your craftsmanship, this is a pretty good place to be. There are a series of good articles in the Features section -- go back in the Archives and start at the beginning. And, of course, you can observe vivisections being performed right here. (Cue ominous background music.)
As to your work in progress, a few random comments . . .
I like the title of the chapter.
I don't exactly see a cause-effect relationship here . . .His appearance was tall, spry, and gaunt from spending his childhood and birth onboard one starship or another.
Worse. And I can think of lots of things worse than a mile walk in the rain. So can anyone who's been through boot camp. Besides, he should be more than willing to pay for parking, if only to have his escape vehicle handy.One could say from his 'replacements' however, that he'd been through worst.
The conversation between the hunter and his prey . . . too much like a bad movie. If they're really dangerous, it wouldn't happen this way. Sitting down right next to a guy who will try to kill you in the next few seconds . . . I wouldn't. Would you? Logic would dictate that the hunter took out both members of the bad guy's support team before engaging said prey -- preferably from behind, at a safe distance. Your good guy should have died long ago.
You also fail to clarify the details of the ensuing fight. The "second goon" seems to have fired a round before he even came out of the men's room. Also, at first, I thought that Caithann had shot Gusten.
You need to think about physiology as well; I have a shoulder that dislocates from time to time, and I can tell you, that arm is useless until I get it back in place -- and, I can't do that until I'm vertical, from the waist up, at least. Study as much as you need to (plus a bit) to make the action realistic. Refer to the Features articles for more on research.
Finally, you use too many "waffle words" -- 'almost,' 'rather,' 'probably,' and "what looked like." Avoid these; they weaken your prose. I've had that problem myself in times past.
I like the basic idea, though; bounty hunter on a grungy planet. What happens next?