FLASH CHALLENGE: August '12

[kailhofer]

The Buyer Beware Challenge:



There's still $20 anonymous prize money up for grabs this month.


Just the other day I read an old Damon Knight story about a poor farming couple who also ran a failing souvenir stand. One day, some alien tourists happened by and fell in love with a cowpie they found on the ground near the stand. The aliens thought it was high art and offered to buy it on the spot. The old couple said why not, and soon word got out to all the other aliens visiting Earth. Things moved fast after that and the gold rush was on in farms all across the land to collect and sell said “pies” for these visiting suckers. Unfortunately, the aliens had to go back to their home planet without warning and the boom became a bust, leaving the poor stand owners overextended to cover the cost of the additional herds they’d bought to supply the demand.

It was ridiculous and yet very human at the same time. It was unbelievable yet made complete sense, too.

Anyhow, it struck me that if we ever were to meet with an alien species, or even humans from another time, if we didn’t immediately try to kill each other and take their technology or our steal resources, someday one or the other of us would want to engage in some kind of commerce with the other. Perhaps we would want their version of shiny space beads and in exchange, we’d give them Manhattan. Maybe aliens would pay to breathe our clean air or swim in a clean lake. Who knows? Maybe selling simple things like genuine Earth string cheese and lemonade in the food court of a space liner could be our species’ ticket to the stars. Regardless, if capitalism exists across the galaxy in any form, we’re bound to fall into it at some point, and probably either we or the aliens won’t be ready for it.

So, are we the hucksters of the galaxy or is “chump” written in our DNA for the universe to see? Let’s find out.


The challenge is to take present-day humans on Earth and engage them in commerce with extraterrestrials or beings from another time. Can you make the deal?



REQUIREMENTS: (1) Your entry must tell the story or one or more present day-humans on Earth trying to conduct a transaction with extraterrestrials or beings from another time; (2) You must have at least two characters that "talk" to each other in some fashion. (3) 1,000 words or less, not counting title, byline, or "The End"; (4) The characters, setting, and story must be fictional and not previously published, even in these challenges; (5) One entry per author; (6) Give your story a title and a byline; and (8) Keep it clean. Rated 'PG-13'. (Basically, think, "Could I see this on CSI?" That allows a lot, really.)

CHARACTERS & SETTING: No copyrighted characters or settings, or references thereto. Famous, non-copyrighted fictional characters like Santa Claus, or religious figures such as the Devil, named angels such as Gabriel, or gods like Thor, etc. as supporting characters at best and at my discretion. The Wicked Witch and Dracula may be in the public domain, but don't expect me to allow them. No person that was ever a "real life" human being may be used as a character, but can be referred to, as in "President Kennedy had declared it would be so." Except as noted above under non-copyrighted fictional persons, character names may not be copied from fiction or real life, even if changed, i.e. Char-less Darween. All non-copyrighted settings are ok. Famous, unique sites like Stonehenge may be used over and again. No fan fiction or sequels, so don't bother putting your story in the Land of Oz or that great place you thought up two challenges ago.

DISQUALIFICATIONS/REFUSALS: If, in my judgment, any requirement or rule is missed, I won't post the story for voting, but authors are free to resubmit with changes until the deadline. Should a story be initially accepted and posted in the challenge, but then later judged by me to be in violation, the story may be disqualified and removed from contention at any time before contest end. Authors who feel a story may be in violation should send me a PM and state their case.

HOW TO ENTER: Stories must be sent by PRIVATE MESSAGE, and NOT posted into a thread. Just click the 'PM' button at the bottom of this post and paste your story in the message. You are responsible for doing your own formatting, and leave an extra line between paragraphs, just like when you see them in the 'zine. I will allow different colors, but not changed fonts or sizes, artwork, or any other embedded or external links.

DO NOT send a regular email to me.

Stories will be posted "blind"--without the author's name on them. All the story titles are literally tossed into a pith helmet and chosen at in random order. When the poll closes after the voting week, I'll post a list of the stories and who wrote them. All entries will then be reposted in the Flash Archive with the author's byline.

Entries from new authors are strongly encouraged. C'mon. Give it a try!

NOTE: ONLY REGISTERED MEMBERS who have posted at least one message may submit a story. Without that one post, the system will not let you send a PM.

DEADLINE: Stories should be in by 9 p.m. Central Standard Time (GMT-6), Sunday, August 26, 2012. The stories will then be posted for voting at approximately 10 p.m. Voting will close on Monday, Sept. 3 at approximately 9 p.m., GMT-6.

VOTING: Stories are rated on a scale of 0-10 in whole numbers in 6 different categories by filling in scores in a form that is posted by me immediately following the post containing the stories for this challenge. Voters copy and paste the form into a PM and send it to me for tallying. One vote per user (that is, per ip address), and authors may not vote for their own story.

Every effort will be made to keep the voting fair. In the past, some voters have abstained from voting for some of the stories while voting for the others. Since total points scored decides the winner, this put the stories that weren't voted on at a disadvantage. Should this happen again, the skipped stories will be given marks equaling whatever the story's average is at the time of contest close. IF YOU WISH TO SCORE A ZERO FOR A STORY, YOU MUST ENTER A ZERO IN THAT POSITION ON THE VOTING FORM. A challenge entrant who does not vote for the other stories will receive a 10% deduction in their own score at the time of contest close, and the other stories will be given marks equaling whatever their story's average is at the time of contest close.

If more than two stories are tied at the end of voting, there will be a succession of one-day runoff votes until a single winner is chosen or the number of winners is reduced to two.

WHAT YOU WIN: Writers get improved short fiction skills, increasing their chances in the marketplace, without the lengthy investment in time a longer story would take. That, as well as bragging rights and pride--there is stiff competition each month amongst some great stories.

LEGAL STUFF: I'll try to do my best lawyer impersonation: By entering this challenge you are technically granting Aphelion: The Webzine of Science Fiction and Fantasy perpetual electronic rights only to post and archive your challenge entry. Aphelion would rather not lay any claim on them at all, but by posting them on a public site, they'd legally count as being published no matter what.

Ok. A real lawyer would have been less interesting. I tried.

Any monies paid to the winner do not in any way transfer ownership of the winning story. The story belongs solely to the author and Aphelion: The Webzine of Science Fiction and Fantasy retains rights to use the story as listed above. Transfer of funds is the responsibility of the anonymous donor. I'm not involved, so leave me out of that.

[kailhofer]

That's 2 accepted so far. Some very clever stories.

[Robert_Moriyama]

Not so ridiculous, there's a small island in the ocean where someone/company made a small fortune using the tons of centuries of accumulated bird droppings in industrial applications. However, the opportunity only worked once because of the multi-century buildup, and the supply was depleted in about thirty years.

Making money from doodie, tabloids do it every day!

See also the song "Margo's Cargo" by Stompin' Tom Connors, in which two Newfoundlanders hope to become rich by taking a load of cow -- er -- patties to the big city to be made into "cowsie dungsie clocks"...

[kailhofer]

Wow, Mark literally leaves a pile of sh!t in this thread and now I've got to try and get things back on track.

How about this... I've actually got a story for this one, too. Against all odds, I finished first drafting it about 1 a.m. last night. Everybody went to bed early at my folks' cottage but I wasn't sleepy, I had the laptop, and it was *quiet.* Can't write unless I blot talking and other noise out with loud classical music or if it's completely silent. Talking or dialogue on a tv within earshot distracts parts of my brain I need for good writing.

Think you'll be able to tell if it's mine?


So, c'mon, bring it! Let's have some fun.