Aphelion

My votes are on the way.

Congrats, Rick!

Here's how I voted, with comments.


Mandela Day
1) Overall: 6
2) Characterization: 1
3) Plot: 6
4) Setting: 5
5) Dialog: 1
6) Challenge: 10

score 29
I found this emotionally inspiring, but in a vague and somewhat distant way. I'd have liked it better if it had given me a personal connection to a character. This story was like seeing a TV news article about something that happened far away.


I Melt With You
1) Overall: 4
2) Characterization: 6
3) Plot: 3
4) Setting: 6
5) Dialog: 4
6) Challenge: 10

score 33
The premise of a rocket affecting Earth's rotation was too much of a strain for my suspension of disbelief. Rockets don't push on the planet; they push against their own exhaust. There are other problems with the science, but that, to me, was the worst.



I’m Still Standing
1) Overall: 4
2) Characterization: 5
3) Plot: 2
4) Setting: 4
5) Dialog: 5
6) Challenge: 8

score 28
I was disappointed at the end with the worn out plot trope.


Sweet Dreams
1) Overall: 6
2) Characterization: 8
3) Plot: 5
4) Setting: 5
5) Dialog: 8
6) Challenge: 9

score 41
This story also strained my suspension of disbelief. A magnetic disturbance would not affect the air in a space helmet any more than it would anywhere else. It would be easier to believe that the disturbance affected the suits' electronics in some fatal manner. Funny that I had no problem accepting precognition for the story's purpose.

rick tornello wrote:Ente Thanks I appreciate that.

Lester the NEW SHORTER OED defines TROPE:

a figure of speech consisting in the use of a word or phrase in a sense other than that which it is proper to do, a figurative use of a word, figurative or metaphorical language; a phrase or sentence introduce as a choral embellishment ...; an argument advanced by by a skeptic; the reciprocal of a node on a curve...

Seriously, I'm not sure I understand your comment based upon the above definitions.

RT

Rick,
Sorry for my misuse of the term; my intention is close to the explanation Eddie offered.

Specifically, though, it struck me as an example of the "Jar of Tang" story type, in Part Three, here:

https://w2.eff.org/Misc/Publications/Br ... ng.lexicon

I think this would have worked a whole lot better if you had told us up front that this was a self-aware weapon. Then you could have the humans briefly pondering what it thought about or felt like, concluding with, "Who cares, anyway? We're under contract, and it performs. Continue the testing." Go on from there from the gun's perspective, maybe interspersed with descriptions of the researchers' abuse.

The main character (the gun) has the same job any MC does in any good story: to react to conflict. It's being tortured. It has choices, and some ability to act. What will it do?

Done this way, the reader immediately feels tension and keeps reading to find out how it resolves, instead of scratching his head until the surprise ending.

By the way, since this thing's purpose is to fire bullets, I can't imagine why feeding a round into its chamber would be a source of discomfort. I think satisfaction would be more appropriate (and maybe a little perverse ).

Hope this helps,

LC