June 2017 Flash Fiction Challenge (Writing Stage)

[Lester Curtis]

I want to add a little more for clarification on intellectual property rights. The following is taken from the Flash Fiction submission guidelines, but is the same for all work submitted to us:

Copyright:

Aphelion asks only the right to publish the work once in our webzine and all other rights are kept by the author. We ask to be able to archive the published work, but will remove a work from the archive at the authors request (so as not to interfere with potentially paying markets). From time to time, we may run 'best of' selections, in which we may re-run previously published material. If you do not wish to allow your work to be included for consideration in this manner, please let us know.

Publishers consider this to be a grant of 'first electronic rights.' Note that it's up to the individual publisher to define a work as 'unpublished;' some count unpaid first electronic rights as publication and some don't. See the publisher's own submission guidelines, and if you aren't sure, ask them.

[kailhofer]

Copyright is a complicated item, even for editors. In this case, I believe the way Daniel has them stated is correct.

[kailhofer]

Nate trained me early on that many of the rules he instituted were because of problems or needs that occurred as he went along.

The more I do this, the more I can see that.

Lester, later tonight I can modify the Legal Announcement to incorporate the copyright statement you mentioned below. I just want to keep things ultra simple...always.

We have coming in a lot of people who never have been on a forum or have never written anything creative.

Simplicity is the best teacher.

Hey, I kind of like that!

It may be worded a little more simply, but it actually says the same thing. We will publish, we will archive, and publish again (in best ofs). If someone wants to be super picky, first and perpetual electronic rights would perhaps be more accurate. But archival rights are "perpetual" rights. It's a another word for the same thing.

[Lipinski]

To kick off the conversation, I make the best hamburgers in the world. It cost $10 to make each burger, but it's worth it.

I make it with ground prime rib that's been marinating in au jus

Au contraire, you have not lived until you have tasted the best hamburger in the near 100 light years, made by the parasite. It is a special mixture of agis roots ground with the hearts of Celtic fairies preserved for over 5000 years in a brine of whale tears. Next, a tincture of flaked armadillo hair is allowed to ferment along with a very aged and old batch of mead. (the honey combs combined with the sweet blood of a dragon)

The main filler for meat is the back loins from a male unicorn. You see, when the black blood of a dragon (very very sweet, and rare) is mixed with the white meat of a male unicorn...Wow!

Since there is dragon blood the heat source to cook the burger comes from the center of a binary star. It is a bit hard but well worth the effort.

Now, as far as condiments go, your basic Heinz ketchup, yellow mustard, and K-mart brand of relish will work fine. However, the bun is a bit tricky when dealing with a scrumptious patty rocking the thermometer at 25,000 degree's. Sometimes cooling it in the breezes of Andrioon will help.

And after eating such a wonderful treat, it makes beef from an earth cow seem like chewing on leather.
*
Now as far as my attempts at making burgers. Best to eat the meat raw as usually hockey pucks and charcoal bread.

[Lipinski]

I know, right? I mean who could ever imagine eating hockey pucks and charcoal bread...

Completely forgot about the flying dog until you mentioned it.

*
Okay all. I submitted my piece for this month. Get to it now. Just imagine having Lester read 300 entries. Why, the possibilities are endless! I'm thinking that at #243 his head will explode and little tiny chocolates will fall out, or a cat, or maybe a werewolf...

Actually, thinking this month will break records for submitted stories.

[Megawatts]

I'm in this month I have an idea for a story now in the writing stage. The big mouth usually knows nothing, does nothing and creates 'hate and discontent' in the work place!! The tone and volume of the 'Big Mouth's' voice amps up because it is exponentially inversely proportional to a lack of knowledge! If they know nothing about music, they'll tell you how to sing or conduct a major symphony! If it comes to politics or religion-----just walk away!! But, I do have to say they can be very entertaining. Just listen to two big mouths argue!! It's better than any sitcom!!!

[kailhofer]

That seems to me to be what Daniel is saying, as long as the story contains one of the first three genres. I've seen horror comedy movies before like, The Rocky Horror Picture Show but I've never seen a sci fi romance.

Ever seen the Pixar movie WALL-E? Both halves of the romantic couple weren't even humans, but it was an excellent romance. Also excellent sci-fi.

I've put up posters at school Daniel the way we talked about. I'm getting a lot of e-mail responses which I will forward to you.

Doug

I hope you don't mind me asking, but what level school are these posters in? Aphelion is an all audiences, all ages magazine, so I'm not saying anything against it. I'm simply curious what age groups are being recruited.

[Lipinski]

I was just thinking, and since I'm a genius, the thoughts were way beyond what anyone can understand. Basically though, because I'm not only a genius I am also the best writer ever to have played with the alphabet.

Since I am the best writer ever, (did I mention I'm a genius?) I highly suggest no one else bother submitting a story as MY story is the best (naturally) It is a story so good I'm already in talks with the movie industry and Opra is even interested in doing an interview (did I mention that I'm not only the best writer, a genius, but I'm so handsome it will be hard to find an actor to play me, though Tom Cruise or Morgan Freeman would be tolerable, or maybe Putin.)

Anyway, MY story is so good it...

"Hey Robin, knock it off. You're a moron and weird."

Yeah parasite but I'm also a genius, handsome and...

"And you're strange, your feet stink, and just because you're so full of yourself, I'M going to submit a story..."

(silence)

You can't do that parasite. You don't have any arms or hands so how could you type, let alone you look like a cross between a dolphin, pine cone, and something owls drop after a good meal.

"Sigh. Yeah, you're right, but you're also an idiot."

Yeah... A handsome, genius, best-writer-in-the world, idiot.

"Later man, (shaking its weird head in disgust) gonna go torture some sand."

[Lipinski]

Way cool. A story within a story. The best kind.

Words. Situations. Plot. Emotions. Well done.

If any of you readers out there have not yet written something for the challenge, you should try.

I've had a ball submitting stories for these monthly contests. Of course I'm waaaaay too set in my ways to even attempt to try and improve my writing skills as I'm just having fun letting whatever comes out, come out.

The good news for new writers though is that you get your feet wet in an environment where others will either like it, hate it, or care less as their eyes glaze over. That's the world of writing.

No matter the age, gender, nationality, or species (well, maybe species matters, I mean, I once read a story written on the sand by a crab...must say, not impressed) No matter though, writing is a part of being human. People have always been telling stories from way back in the day of caves and cave art.

To the new people coming to Aphelion, welcome! This site really is a good one compared to the many I've perused. Good editors. Good people. All having something to contribute. Well, except for that (censored) parasite.

Finally, some advice for new writers, (or old writers) Don't take it to heart what others 'think' about your work. (unless you want too) I've read stuff most people despise and despised some of the greatest. Shakespeare comes to mind. To me, he was an idiot.

Eddie, I wish you'd submit your story, I enjoy reading your work. And, thanks again for the work Daniel. I know I sure as (censored) would not want to be in charge of anything more than programming a toaster.

[Lester Curtis]

You can't program a toaster. Regardless of what the dial may say, every one I've ever seen has only two possible settings: lukewarm limp, or charcoal.

Thanks, Robin; always good to have you around.

[Lipinski]

I bought one of them fancy toasters at Costco... Dang if it ain't more complicated than a space ship. All LED with two slots and it can tell the difference between a bagel or some socks there were wet and I need to dry out for work. (used to use the microwave but even the microwave got smart). The thing likes to torture me and play with my mind.

Now, on a related note, how come on toasters you put two slices in and only one comes out? Sorta like a dryer. Can't count how many single socks I now own. And, as to toast. One pops up and the other looks like it is being digested... I swear machines are out to destroy mankind.

Are you going to submit a story Lester? If I may suggest, how about one regarding the cat? Of all the species that are totally into themselves, cats 'pop' (still thinking about the toaster) into mind. And cats set themselves up for some pretty interesting problems with their self-absorbed lifestyles.

Good hearing from you. And it will be great if a whole lot of writers get involved with Aphelion as that is what it is all about. Writing, reading, and even an occasional debate on which way toilet paper should be hung on the wall. (I favor it hangs next to the wall and not away from it, though to mess it all up if you hang it on its own stand away from the wall it negates the debate... unless one does not use toilet paper and...)

"Robin, go to work. You're an idiot"

Yep. Time to go play in mud.

[Lester Curtis]

Well, I thought of one this morning, but I it wouldn't qualify because it doesn't have any SF, fantasy or horror elements. Still, the basic idea is about a woman who's a bus driver. This driver takes a job replacing a driver who retired. She immediately begins yelling about how the bus company's rules allow her to throw passengers out the window for chewing gum or saying anything she doesn't like. On her first run, she only makes half her stops to let passengers off. On her second run she insults a former driver who used to have the same route, then she hijacks the entire bus, all the while threatening to eject passengers and--somehow--even the other drivers. Years later, she wonders why the only job she can get is shoveling out stables.

I sort of intended this to be a parody of that guy in the Oval Office, but I don't think it works.

[Lipinski]

That's a good story Lester, I think they call that life. Another story like like is called, fowling your own nest. And like all literature, open to perspective.

Obama haters hated whatever the man did and lovers loved whatever the man did. Same for Trump. Same for the bus driver. Same for me (that's why the only job I can get is shoveling (censored) in horse stables.

You bring up a good point though, about SF, fantasy, or horror. That point being that if one reads the daily news, my (censored, censored, and censored) goodness... "Mother lets baby roast to death in car while she is inside bar getting drunk." When writing, it would be easy to say, "The female ogre, poison dripping from her sharp teeth ate a little baby softly sleeping in a Lexus while the mother running a quick errand to see if there was any money in the mail. Money needed to feed orphans..."

It is sooooo easy to take anything people do and give it a SF, fantasy, or horror element. I think just about everyone's life is an example.

Man, what a beautiful day outside today! Let the pollen gods unleash the treasury of eye irritating, snot flowing,little seeds of destruction. ( A fantasy twist to state, (censored) pollen count is gonna be astronomical today, probably a whole box of tissue used.)

[Lester Curtis]

Oh, I easily could have; I actually did come up with a plot line involving, I think, intervention by a wizard; I've already forgotten it. I just chose not to.

[Lipinski]

Well, that's too bad. Got a message from Daniel and looks like the flash fiction challenge will be in need of a new honcho or honchoette. (is honchoette politically correct?)

From my perspective this Daniel did a great job. For sure, got a lot more people interested in entering.

Disagreements are a great part of the human species. If everyone agreed totally with each other then the first caveman who thought that dropping into the mouth of an active volcano was not only fun but that whatever 'god' spoke to him from a coconut... and everyone agreed. Then, there'd be no human species ( of course, the women cavemen would never agree as they ALWAYS disagree ((speaking from personal experience)) But then, we'd have a tribe of Amazons, no breeders...end result: Disagreements are good as that is how stuff gets worked out.

Now, in my opinion...

"Ha! Opinion? Robin, you're a Mmmff...mff (censored censored censored, and censored) Quit holding your hand over my moufff mmff..mmfff.)"

As I was saying. Aphelion has been the best writing forum I've had the pleasure of enjoying. It used to be Poetry Circle but the disagreements here are paltry and amateur compared to the (censored, censored, censored X infinity of 'that' place)

Having been here for a few years now, I've got to correspond with some of the editors. Even made friends with Mark and his site (currently in hibernation) Along the way I can only remember two times when the flames burned a little hot, and this is good... Good, because writers should be on the cutting edge of emotions. They should cry. They should laugh. They should get mad, angry, happy, hungry... They should send me money. (just kidding about the hungry part, they should still send me money.

I for one, enjoyed the exchange between Daniel and Eddie. Why? Because it could have been story. An illusion. Or, it could have been real. It invoked passion. Emotions. Eddie even submitted a nice story dealing with the aspect of 'Me'.

It is a hard job to be a volunteer. Learned this the hard way by being el presidente of our homeowners association. There were moments I'd rather herd house cats to Texas while covered in fire ants.

So. To Daniel. Eddie. Any and all who volunteer and make this site what it is, I, a (censored) idiot, am thankful. I'm sure I'm not alone.

Now, getting back to the serious part: My address to send money to is, PO Box 3297563827-123-12 Inmate# 13 San Antonio Male Correction Center, San Antonio Texas, 999932

[Lipinski]

Ssssshhh... (looking left and right)

How did you find out? There must be a leak. Ever since Trump was elected the leaks seem to be getting bigger.

And for the record, I am not nor have I ever been an inmate at the Arkham Aslyum for the criminally insane... Well, not officially.

You see, after trying to rob Fort Knox while naked with leaves taped to my body, I've been freelancing as an advisor to the authorities as to what kind of weird stuff a criminal can do.

As for Fort Knox, I was successful in being able to gain access as the guards were hysterial, bent over in laughter. It was a perfect plan until I realized two very important things. First, never tape leaves (with super glue and gorilla glue) to the, um, uh... the male appendage. (sure, it goes on easy but the dismount?) And second. Gold is very very heavy.

The people at Arkham have been very nice to deal with. The clothing is snug and has a cool label, 'Le Straight Jacket'. And they sure know how to cook! Spam for breakfast, Spam for lunch, and Gruel for dinner. And the entertainment is beyond par.

Last night, Vinny the Knife ( He writes illustrated children's books) stabbed a male nurse. It seemed so real. Blood. Gore. Got a standing ovation.

And the other night, it was so very entertaining to watch an orderly use a night stick in such a way that the people in India who wrote the Sutra book could have taken a few pointers or two... or, three four, twenty

So no. Never an inmate. Just visiting. And hoping they'll let me out in time for the countries bicenttenial in 1976.