Re: February 2019 Challenge - Cosmic Horror - The Results
Posted: March 10, 2019, 02:10:30 PM
Congrats, Jon and Iain!
As before, I wrote comments as I was reading the stories. Here they are, and I hope none of this is taken too hard.
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Friends everywhere
I couldn't figure out where this was going until the last word. That's not usually a good way to write a story, but I can see how you'd want to save the reveal for the very end.
I don't really see a plot here, or any characterization. No character arc, no story arc. Some setting detail, but all the dialog is the same.
What carries this piece is the question of who the PoV character is; in that, it's reasonably successful: readers want answers.
I don't see how this fits the definition of a story. If it weren't drawn out so long, it would be an aphorism, but those have to be concise.
It's a brave experiment, though.
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Shadows Are Not What They Seem…
Lots of creepy, dark mood, which is appropriately Lovecraftian. I wish I could find some reason to care what happens to the main character, but I didn't.
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Desert Secrets
Nice creepy mood, and some great language. Packages. Yellow trucks (maybe a nod to R.W. Chambers' The King in Yellow?. It's all vague and suggestive. Then Cthulhu comes along and ruins all that with actual concrete detail; very ironic.
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The Congregationalist Senior Living Home
Crazy person goes crazier. Didn't that place stink pretty bad?
There's some kind of plot hole here: three bodies get carried out every day, but everyone in the building aside from the narrator is long dead--and the narrator still has some food left over.
At least Snuggles will have some fresh meat for a while.
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Special Orders
Ahh, now that's the stuff!
As before, I wrote comments as I was reading the stories. Here they are, and I hope none of this is taken too hard.
---------------------------------------------------------
Friends everywhere
I couldn't figure out where this was going until the last word. That's not usually a good way to write a story, but I can see how you'd want to save the reveal for the very end.
I don't really see a plot here, or any characterization. No character arc, no story arc. Some setting detail, but all the dialog is the same.
What carries this piece is the question of who the PoV character is; in that, it's reasonably successful: readers want answers.
I don't see how this fits the definition of a story. If it weren't drawn out so long, it would be an aphorism, but those have to be concise.
It's a brave experiment, though.
---------------------------------------
Shadows Are Not What They Seem…
Lots of creepy, dark mood, which is appropriately Lovecraftian. I wish I could find some reason to care what happens to the main character, but I didn't.
-------------------------------
Desert Secrets
Nice creepy mood, and some great language. Packages. Yellow trucks (maybe a nod to R.W. Chambers' The King in Yellow?. It's all vague and suggestive. Then Cthulhu comes along and ruins all that with actual concrete detail; very ironic.
--------------------------------
The Congregationalist Senior Living Home
Crazy person goes crazier. Didn't that place stink pretty bad?
There's some kind of plot hole here: three bodies get carried out every day, but everyone in the building aside from the narrator is long dead--and the narrator still has some food left over.
At least Snuggles will have some fresh meat for a while.
-----------------------
Special Orders
Ahh, now that's the stuff!