FLASH CHALLENGE: December '10

[kailhofer]

The "Santa's Little Helper" Challenge:



If we believe popular culture (television and carols especially), Santa and his elves were a cruel bunch. From their secretive perch at the top of the world, they cast judgment on all the children on the Earth, rewarding those who were good with presents and punishing those they considered unworthy with a lump of dirty coal. Rudolph, a deformed animal with the unearthly ability to illuminate his nose, is ostracized by reindeer, elves, and Big Red himself. Faced with a severe blizzard that prevented his dark mission, Santa was forced to temporarily put aside his prejudicial policies and Rudolph's nonconformity saved the day, securing the mutant a place in history.

Ok, perhaps things weren't intended to be as gloomy as this, but it strikes me as a delightful chance to use those deprecating elves, cave-dwelling monsters, talking snow golems, and flying reindeer as a backdrop for stories.

I challenge you to bring the spirit of giving in a non-religious story set in the universe mentioned above, where toy-making elves hide from monsters, a prejudiced Santa needs to deliver on a schedule, and nonconformity can heap scorn upon you.




REQUIREMENTS: (1) Your "Santa's helper" must bring the spirit of giving to an individual somewhere in the world, on any day of the year; (2) No references to any religion will be allowed save for the fact that Santa has to deliver his presents on Christmas Eve; (3) 1,000 words or less, not counting title, byline, or "The End"; (4) The characters, setting, and story must be fictional and not previously published, even in these challenges. You can mention Santa and all the famous reindeer, but they should not appear in your story; (5) One entry per author; (6) Give your story a title and a byline; and (7) This is a Rated 'PG-13' challenge. (Yes, I said PG-13. Basically, think, "Could I see this on CSI?" If so, it's ok.)

If, in my judgment, any requirement is missed, I won't post the story for voting. Sorry, but rules are for everyone.

HOW TO ENTER: Stories must be sent by PRIVATE MESSAGE, and NOT posted into a thread. Just click the 'PM' button at the bottom of this post and paste your story in the message. You are responsible for doing your own formatting, and leave an extra line between paragraphs, just like when you see them in the 'zine. I will allow different colors, but not changed fonts or sizes, artwork, or any other embedded or external links.

DO NOT send a regular email to me.

Stories will be posted "blind"--without the author's name on them. All the story titles are literally tossed into a hat and chosen at in random order. When the poll closes after the voting week, I'll post a list of the stories and who wrote them. All entries will then be reposted in the Flash Archive with the author's byline.

Entries from new authors are strongly encouraged. C'mon. Give it a try!

NOTE: ONLY REGISTERED MEMBERS who have posted at least one message may submit a story. Without that one post, the system will not let you send a PM.

DEADLINE: Stories should be in by 9 p.m. Central Standard Time (GMT-5), Thursday, December 23, 2009. The stories will then be posted for voting at 10 p.m. Voting will close on Dec. 29th at approximately 10 p.m., GMT-5.

VOTING: Stories are rated on a scale of 0-10 in whole numbers in 6 different categories by filling in scores in a form that is posted by me immediately following the post containing the stories for this challenge. Voters copy and paste the form into a PM and send it to me for tallying. One vote per user (that is, per ip address), and authors may not vote for their own story.

Every effort will be made to keep the voting fair. In the past, some voters have abstained from voting for some of the stories while voting for the others. Since total points scored decides the winner, this put the stories that weren't voted on at a disadvantage. Should this happen again, the skipped stories will be given marks equaling whatever the story's average is at the time of contest close. IF YOU WISH TO SCORE A ZERO FOR A STORY, YOU MUST ENTER A ZERO IN THAT POSITION ON THE VOTING FORM. A challenge entrant who does not vote for the other stories will receive a 10% deduction in their own score at the time of contest close, and the other stories will be given marks equaling whatever their story's average is at the time of contest close.

If more than two stories are tied at the end of voting, there will be a succession of one-day runoff votes until a single winner is chosen or the number of winners is reduced to two.

WHAT YOU WIN: Writers get improved short fiction skills, increasing their chances in the marketplace, without the lengthy investment in time a longer story would take. That, as well as bragging rights and pride--there is stiff competition each month amongst some great stories.

LEGAL STUFF: I'll try to do my best lawyer impersonation: By entering this or any challenge you are technically granting Aphelion: The Webzine of Science Fiction and Fantasy perpetual electronic rights only to post and archive your challenge entry. Aphelion would rather not lay any claim on them at all, but by posting them on a public site, they'd legally count as being published no matter what.

Ok. A real lawyer would have been less interesting. I tried.

[Lester Curtis]

Yeah, it's this 'spirit of giving' thing that's a little fuzzy to me . . . is our chosen character supposed to find some Scrooge-like curmudgeon and convert him? That seems to be the goal here; just needing a little clarification.

CSI as a base of allowable activities

Means you can describe the violence, but you can only talk about the sex.

We'd have a lot more latitude if the rating were PG 31.

[kailhofer]

As I read the rule of engagement, Santa's helper has to bring the spirit of giving to in individual any day of the year AND here's the possible conundrum,

Santa has to deliver HIS (santa's regular shipment of bribes to his now christian sycophants), Or, is it the said helpers present of giving that has to be delivered on the former Winter Solstice holiday now named christmas eve? OR BOTH? If that's the case (helpers present) isn't there a contradiction short of time travel if I have any day of the year to choose?


RT

Santa does the delivery. Your story is set in the universe where Santa and the uppity elves do their thing, but you are independent of that. It can be any day of the year. I mean, time travel if you want, but you don't have to.

[kailhofer]

Yeah, it's this 'spirit of giving' thing that's a little fuzzy to me . . . is our chosen character supposed to find some Scrooge-like curmudgeon and convert him? That seems to be the goal here; just needing a little clarification.

CSI as a base of allowable activities

Means you can describe the violence, but you can only talk about the sex.

We'd have a lot more latitude if the rating were PG 31.

From Thesaurus.com:

• Main Entry: generosity
  Part of Speech: noun
  Definition: spirit of giving
  Synonyms: all heart, alms-giving, altruism, beneficence, benevolence, bounteousness, bounty, charitableness, charity, free giving, goodness, heart, high-mindedness, hospitality, kindness, largesse, liberality, magnanimity, munificence, nobleness, openhandedness, philanthropy, profusion, readiness, unselfishness
  Antonyms: greed, meanness, selfishness, stinginess

So, basically, find some selfish meanie and teach them to share or care in a way that's entertaining or interesting to read.

[Lester Curtis]

I'm sorry peeps - that was kinda crude, even for the old bottomdweller. I'll try to be good, from now on out

Don't try too hard -- we wouldn't know who you were anymore!

And David -- I'm not sure that "uplifting" is a requirement.

[kailhofer]

I'm still not clear on this challenge.

We're to write an uplifting tale about some Santa's helper bringing cheer to a regular human despite a pugnacious Claus and his on-time-every-time minions? Is that it?


-- david j.

Uplifting is not a requirement. You could, say, use tragedy to teach some manner of munificence. However, chances are uplifting is probably going to be a side effect of your greater storyline of teaching the "spirit of giving". Regular human is not required, either. The rules just say "an individual".

Santa has to be real. He brings presents to some of the kids.

Roll with it.

[kailhofer]

I have 3 stories in, but none read yet. Bit overloaded at home. Honestly, how many things can break in one person's life in one year?? Garage door opener now on the fritz, too. New driver son put the wife's minivan in a snowbank. No damage, but good grief.

Will try to get them checked over tomorrow night.

[Lester Curtis]

I just submitted mine . . . a guaranteed tear-jerker. We'll see what happens.

[Lester Curtis]

Bartender, cut Rick off.

[kailhofer]

This challenge may be a lot more difficult than I thought it was.

One story accepted, one rejected, one request for clarification, and two sent back for rewrites.

[Lester Curtis]

Rats, I got kicked. Gotta remember to look at the rules a little closer next time.

I'm out on this one; good luck to whoever else is in.

[Lester Curtis]

get your ass back in there and re do it, what a baby!!! This isn't a physics test.

Sorry, Rick, the [s]goose[/s] muse laid just one golden egg on me this month, and it can't be rewritten to fit the rules. I've got other stuff to do, anyway.

[kailhofer]

Caught up. All I can say is that Christmas cheer is not necessarily what the reader will be left with when the stories are posted tomorrow night.

Six so far.


PS. Myself, I know I will have to wait until after Christmas to give Dan hell.

[kailhofer]

There will be more, I see.

Going to be delayed by a day. Got held up finishing an ice carving that was needed tomorrow, and now my youngest is asleep in my den where the computer is. I'm trying to be a good parent and not wake her while I type this. All the posting work takes about an hour, and that will definitely make too much noise in my old, creaky chair.

So, I'll give an extra night for anyone who still wants to get one in. I get home from work at 1ish tomorrow, and will try to post them all then.

[Lester Curtis]

Lords and Ladies!

I just read over all the submissions, and it's no freakin' wonder the suicide rate shoots up this time of year!

Now, if I can just get hold of some antidepressants, I might be able to read 'em again tomorrow and vote . . .

[Lester Curtis]

Well, I just managed to get the voting process done . . . I feel like I need a shower with lye soap and a wire brush now, thanks to some of you. I had to give out an uncommonly low crop of scores this time, although a couple of these stories managed to rise above the rest.

Politeness forbids me to say more . . .

[Robert_Moriyama]

But Mark, Rankin-Bass productions were already demented... A demented Rankin-Bass piece would have to be the unholy offspring of a Hieronymous Bosch painting and a Tim Burton movie!

[Lester Curtis]

But thank you so much for undermining the confidence and hopefullness of the authors who worked on these stories. I can suggest other uses for your wire brush and lye soap.

Mark, if it makes you -- or anyone else here -- feel any better, my own submission wasn't a lot cheerier.

My apologies to anyone who may have suffered from my comments. I need to keep reminding myself to edit these posts more carefully until the voting is complete.

[Lester Curtis]

Now what i do have an issue with is:
Being a member of this human society that actually perpetuates such nonsense that we have satirized

Especially in light of how we react when we get a chance to express our true feelings about it, as exemplified in this batch of stories.

If we hate it all that much, why the hell do we keep doing it?

Oh, wait -- it's the power of GUILT!

"What?! You didn't spend half your year's income on useless crap? Rot in hell, you heartless commie faggot bastard!!"

P. S. Mark, I'll have to remember that (flaming car crash) -- I've had that problem myself at times.

[Lester Curtis]

Having presented this view, Lester, I'm curious as to which of the stories you think could be mine. I won't tell you if you're right or wrong until after the voting closes, of course, but I am interested in your thoughts.

Sorry, I haven't the slightest clue. But for one, I haven't been able to sort out who's writing what in these things. After all this time, I'm only now beginning to get a feel for individual styles, but I haven't gotten to where I could associate them with a particular author yet, except for that one. (Shh-h.)

[Lester Curtis]

The major holidays began prehistory, with the first agrarian cultures, when the changing of seasons had to do with our all-important food supplies -- planting, harvest, etc. They were likely linked to religion from the very first (sun worship?). I think the same went for hunter-gatherers, even before the invention of agriculture. But eventually -- pretty recently, in fact -- everything got commercialized, and Christmas (and its kin) became a season of greed and salesmanship.

Then things got more formalized and codified, especially when religions became powerful enough to rival the State. These days, they don't have the same meaning as they did at the beginning -- hell, there's a foot of snow in my yard and I can go buy tropical fruit, so what the hell do I have to know about harvests?

Maybe we're all just rebelling a little with his nastiness . . .

Makes me wonder what religious holidays would be like on a planet whose axis wasn't tilted much, so having no noticeable change of seasons.

[Lester Curtis]

Great, Rick, thanks!

[kailhofer]

I think that makes my point quite well; that the pessimistic view expressed in this month's stories are a function of the contest question.

This is basically the same setup as the Rankin-Bass Rudolph special, yet it is not a pessimistic story that is told there.

I think the amount of gloom comes from within, not without.

[Lester Curtis]

I think "The Finger" may have been a more original form of digital communication.

And wouldn't holding up a bunch of fingers while saying 'this many' be an even older form of digital communication?

What about sign language?

Dammit, now I need a new sig . . .