[Poll] VOTE: June '11 Challenge

[kailhofer]

To vote, rate these stories on the form in the post following this one and send it to me via PM:


The challenge was to tell the tale of one or more characters on a planetary orphan caught up in some larger event. Authors were tasked with not describing the world, the character's goal, or their flaw. These had to be implied or shown.


The following entries were received:



Transmit Only



Within the whole of the planet Aeternitas, a highly amplified effeminate voice, with a slightly detectable lisp, reverberates off the deep inner structures:

ACHTUNG, ACHTUNG, ATENCION, YOUR ATTENTION, PA-LEEEZE.

WE ARE APPROACHING AN IMPORTANT POINT PEOPLE, LISTEN UP.

IN 4.32x10 to the 20th femtomoments MAXIMUM UNIVERSAL EXPANSION WILL HAVE OCCURRED, And THE BIG CRUNCH WILL, ta-da, BEGIN.

WE WILL BE CELEBRATING THIS EVENT EVERYWHERE IN TIME-SPACE and ESPECIALLY FOR ALL OF YOU! HERE WITHIN THE, fill in the, OOPS, I MEAN, THE AETERNITAS ORB!

It’s only 4.89921276x10 to the 36th femtomoments to go from there to crunch time, and, WE LOOK BACKWARD TO YOUR CHALLENGE IN UNMAKING YOUR PAST MISTAKES, again. DETAILS TO FOLLOW, again.

Fugio, unmoving, is entombed in a plaster cast from head to foot, and lying in a hospital bed. The only visible openings are two eye holes, a mouth hole, and various apparatuses connected to tubes emerging from different parts of his body. Not a sound is uttered. Monitors mark time with his vital functions.

Ignarus ignores the message and is speaking to Fugio in a monotone, with absolutely no inflection or letup:
“…wandering in life, no real aim, no real goals, here we are, and then we’re not, and look at you, lucky you, all your life is taken care of, no worries, me I’m stuck here, within this dark orb, floating aimlessly, possibly forever, I’m here because of a snafu, it was a simple mistake, a technicality, I’m sure it will be taken care of, hey you’re not talking, well never mind, you’re the silent type, it’s okay, you’re recuperating, I know that, I can see you’re all wrapped up, so I said to the Gatekeeper there must be some mistake, the actions don’t add up to a negative balance, I’m sure, I’ve lived a good life, just look back, that’s what I said, you know, he just looked at me and said nothing, can you imagine that, nothing, so I assumed I had more time to make my case so I elaborated, I was good to animals, children, I helped the old folks, I entertained relatives, donated to good causes, and… Hey you’re not speaking don’t you have a thing to say? well never mind, I’ll let you know that the Gatekeeper kept looking at me so I went on, I asked him when was the last time he had the scales of life calibrated by the certification board, I think he really appreciated that one, my representative says I made a real case and he’s sure that, hey you, Fugio, you moved? you want to say something? no? well I’ll go on with my story, the gatekeeper summoned some of his people, I remember he was pointing at me and he was smiling, well I think it was a smile, he kept pointing up, and looking up to somewhere and said something about someone helping him please and I think someone got it wrong, he must be overworked and made a mistake, because here I am and I know this is not where I’m supposed to be, no not here, why should I have to go through a crunch to redo my life again, what mistakes have I made, none that I can tell, I kept a diary of my exploits every day I wrote it in there and I presented it to the Gatekeeper too, you know this crunch thing is a real pain, you know what? in 4.89921276x10 to the 36th femtomoments, we’ll be a singularity again and we get another get-go to correct our past mistakes, well, that’s well and fine for the others but you you’re blameless just lying there in white, what did you do to deserve that, hey, come on tell me.”

Fugio utters not a sound.

Ignarus continues, droning on,
“…well I’m sure they made a mistake with you too, me I know this will be corrected soon, my representative states that this will all be made right in due time, do you ever get the feeling you’ve been here before? I mean I’m sure it’s not true but I swear I’ve met you before in a past life, now that’s funny, really now,I don’t see a smile, come on, a past life, really? you think you would remember something like this aimless wandering all over creation, and me doing good helping the sick and hurt just like you, I’ll be here to cheer you up until you’re able to walk again and talk, won’t that be great then maybe the two of us can help others to feel better, that is until my representative get me a hearing because I know they made a mistake, I should be one with the, oh you know, and not here waiting for the big crunch, that’s insane you know that, me of all people, bureaucracies they can really make your life miserable, it just takes persistence on your part to make the corrections and then things will be made right, that I do believe, that’s a law of the universes, yes it is, I said that when my time in front of the Gatekeeper was up, yes he was sad to see me get such a mistaken ruling, the tears were streaming down his face as I explained my situation again and that the scales need to be recalibrated and maybe he could use some time off, having to do this for an eternity, and maybe I could help, if he needed it.”

Fugio opens his eyes and but cannot recognize Ignarus through a haze, The voice… THAT voice… that story again, Oh my god, he screams in his head, he’s still here, he never leaves, and passes out. The monitors go blinky.

Ignarus glances up at the monitors, shrugs his shoulders and drones on,
“…you know I think you may have an issue with your monitors, you should get it looked at, but as I was saying, the Gatekeeper had tears of joy running down his face….”


The End



If Yanowaddimeen



Mr. Woodcock smirked at the steamer trunk following his friend. "Why are you lugging stuff around when we have business to attend to, Doc?"

"The only business you have in mind is monkey business."

Mr. Woodcock shrugged. "What's in that thing?"

"Oh, in here? – A dead body," the small man answered flatly. He grabbed a stool at the table, looked around the small bar, and the large trunk parked itself nearby.

"You're hilarious, Johnson!" bellowed Big, slapping the table for emphasis. "A dead body indeed."

"The funniest thing is: the more I say it, the less people believe me."

A waitress came over to the men's table, turning to Mr. Johnson. "Can I get you anything?"

"A place to hide this body would be nice," Doc Johnson said flatly. Right on cue, the waitress broke out laughing. "How about a Budweiser, then."

She turned to go but Mr. Woodcock stopped her. "When do you get off, Sugar?"

"My shift ends in five minutes, so I guess I'm getting off seven minutes after that. If Yanowaddimeen."

"I DO knowwatyameen, Sugar."

"I like bald men," purred the waitress, stroking the top of his head.

"This isn't a bald head, this is a solar panel for a sex machine," insisted Big.

"You'll do. I'll meet you out back in ten minutes. And I'll be back in a second with your beer, honey." The happy pair was practically ROFL as she stepped away from the table.

"People sure take customer service serious around here," said Doc Johnson.

"You're welcome to COME along too," Mr. Woodcock told his friend. "If Yanowaddimeen!"

"Yes Larry, I know what you mean - I mean Mr. Big Woodcock. But I'll pass. I'm looking after this trunk and all. Are you sure you wouldn't rather go back to our cabin and play some blackjack?"

"Not a chance, friend. I'm standing firm, IF yanowad..." he stopped midsentence, noting that Doc obviously knew what he meant. "Why would I want to play some blackjack with you, when I could play some POKER with her! I'll probably see you about four in the morning."

"How can you tell time on this piece of ice, Big?"

"It's three shots of Bourbon after they dim the sunbelt."

Sugar was back at the table now, with a beer and two fortune cookies. Big crunched his cookie and read the holograph that popped up. "'You have a keen sense of humor and love a good time.' Boy! Have they got me pegged! Are you going to read yours?"

Before Doc could crunch his cookie, a guy at the next table, who was surrounded by three voluptuous women, began to read his. "'You have a keen sense of humor and love a good time!' Wow! It's like they've met me all personal like!"

"I'd like to meet you all personal like, Honey," said one of the women, resulting in a burst of laughter from everyone at the table.

"I think I have a pretty good idea of what mine says," said Johnson, absentmindedly munching on Mr. Woodcock's cookie crumbs.

"You ready, Honey?" asked the waitress.

"I was born ready!" said Mr. Woodcock, leaving his friend at the table with his crate.

Doc sadly got up from the table, motioned to the trunk to follow, and began to leave the bar. He passed two women who were quietly talking. One lady began twirling a strand of the others hair. "If you want to come up, Bambi, just whistle. You know how to do that, right? – Just put your lips together and BLOW." The other woman pressed her rouge covered lips together and let out a low slow wolf whistle, and the jolly pair joined hands and practically skipped out the door.

He shrugged – it was that time after all. The tiny man thought wistfully of an advertising holo he had seen on a planet circling his home star. It pictured a priest spanking a woman dressed as a schoolgirl who giggled with each naughty slap. Below was the caption: "Sin is fine for a Season – so spend your Season with us. " He remembered that he couldn't wait to get back home to tell Helen – god, he missed her.

Stepping onto the moving sidewalk, Doc saw the Sunbelt blink off. He looked up through the glass ceiling, peering into the center of the Milky Way. The stars looked so warm, but he knew better. The stars were like her, like Helen. He missed her, in spite of how close she was.

Doc's pants pocket began to vibrate and he took out a small communication device. He held it up to his mouth and said emphatically: "I'm not interested Congressman Hot Dog, so stop texting me!"

1:30 A.M.

Mr. Big Woodcock passed his hand over the keylock, and the door shhhhed open. He found his buddy staring at the entertainment wall. "Is that a banana in your pants, or are you happy to see me?"

Doc reached into his pants and pulled out a fruit and began to peel it.

"I see you still have that trunk with you. Can't find any place to put the body?"

"I checked out the freezer downstairs. It wasn't long enough."

"It wasn't long enough? That's what SHE said!"

"Huh?"

"Well, I am home early," Big said sheepishly. Then he looked over at the trunk, beginning to get angry. "I'm tired of seeing this damnable crate. What's really in here, Doc?" he screamed, walking over to it and throwing open the lid. His face was beginning to lose its color as a long "Sheeeeeeeet, Docccc…" seeped out of him, like a balloon running out of air. "What the…" But he never finished the question, because Doc was standing behind him with a raised tool in his hand.


The End



The Blind Rebellion



With some strain Chittik pushed himself up from the icy muck and swam to the edge of the trench to peek out across the abyssal plain. The brisk current was refreshing, but all he could detect in the darkness was the distant glow of Chacrat Vent, a faint infrared crescent that flickered within a roiling black cloud.

"Anything yet?" Bulboo asked. His voice was gruff but Chittik knew that the battle-scarred warrior was making an effort to hide his amusement.

"Nothing," Chittik said and floated back down into the trench.

"The signal will come soon enough," Bulboo assured. "Then the glory of battle will be ours." Bulboo continued to hone the tip of his spear with a stone. The steady rasping sent shivers down Chittik's spine.

Bulboo and the rest of his clan, berserkers from the far north, had just joined the rebellion. They were different from Chittik's people, from a wild cold sea of few vents, most were a head taller, their backs were covered with long bony spines, and their mouths were lined with needle-like teeth that seemed to have outgrown their faces.

"We heard the stories," Bulboo had said on meeting. "You little serfs trying to overthrow Old King Ik." He had ended with a hardy laugh and had momentarily bathed his face in a yellow bioluminescence from the forked photophore that dangled from an appendage near the top of his forehead. Chittik appreciated the display, as gruesome as it was, and flashed a soft orange light on his own face to return the gesture. Then both had settled into the cold muck of the trench to hide their heat.

Chittik's people were thankful. Bulboo's clan had effectively doubled the size of the rebellion army, and now for the first time the serfs felt that they might win. Now they waited in hiding on the border of the king's domain for the signal. Each serf assigned to one of Bulboo's clan to lead the way through the unending darkness to the palace gates.

"So, have you ever seen an ice wyrm?" Chittik asked.

Bulboo laughed again, a huge bubble glugging out of his mouth. "Seen? They do call me Bulboo the serpent-slayer. The north sea is swimming with them. And this very spear has pierced the bellies of a dozen, each fiercer than the last and all large enough to swallow your little army whole. Each spawned by the Great Wyrm herself."

Chittik admired the bravado. He knew the warrior was probably embellishing, but for some reason he wanted to believe there was some truth in it. He looked up into the blackness and imagined the ice that covered the world. According to legend that ice was the body of the Great Ice Wyrm who in searching for warmth had wrapped herself around and around and around the world until she was able to clench her own tail in her mouth. It was a childhood story about gods that Chittik had almost forgotten from a childhood that had been brutally snatched away.

Chittik felt the heat rush to his face. He tried to picture Ikbarchilub's palace, the forces of rebellion surging through its gates. He imagined himself with spear in hand in the vanguard, a ragtag group of young serfs, untrained but determined, the king's guards falling away. But that's as far as his imagination would carry him. His mind, the product of the simple life in the king's fields around a vent, couldn't begin to visualize the extravagance of the tyrant. The abundance of food, delicacies piled high on stone platters, mountains of gems and exotic shells, and all illuminated with the bioluminescence of the enslaved. Then the dream soured and he could only see himself being shoved by a misguided crowd to be the first impaled on the jagged points of the spears. He felt a queasiness in his belly right where he imagined the first spear going in. Then the whispers of the lost that drove him faded away.

"Sometimes I don't know if I can do this," Chittik said. Bulboo's rasping stopped.

"Swallow that," Bulboo said through gritted teeth. "There's no place for it now." Bulboo's intensity shook Chittik. He suddenly felt a current of shame flow over him and wanted even more to just swim away.

Then the rasping continued. "I suppose it is only natural, you are very young, and but a serf. I wish, for a moment, I could remember what you must be feeling. But you've chosen this path freely. Remember that. If you gain nothing else serf, you freed yourself the moment you made this choice."

The photophore that dangled over Bulboo's face lit up with a yellow glow. The tip of his spear was close to his face so that he could inspect the fineness of the point. His beady black eyes were like opaque gems in a mask. He ran his bulbous tongue the width of his gaping frown along the rows of teeth as the light faded.

"Is my spear next to you?" Chittik asked. He raked his flippers through the muck. Submerged in the cool mud he might never find it. "It was leaning here when I went up to look out."

Bulboo got up, the muck sliding off him in sheets and forming clouds of sediment in the water.

"The first thing you must learn little serf is that a warrior never puts down his spear."

Then beyond Bulboo, Chittik saw a red glow further down the trench. "What is that," he asked. Immediately after another sphere of red light appeared and closer yet another. Bulboo turned back toward Chittik; his photophore also lit up with a red eerie light.

"But that's not the signal." Chittik said.

"Yes serf, I'm afraid it is." Bulboo thrust the tip of his spear deep into Chittik's belly. The photophore danced over his face wildly, a red beacon lighting his hideous face and motioning toward his slowly expanding jaws.


The End



Regretfully



Walking slowly on his four tapered legs along the bottom of the canal artificially made by means of their robots, deep inside the high ice cover, Huw got finally to the control station.

There Kuw, the First Superintendent Tecnician, all wrapped inside his working grey space suit, was adjusting the settings of his check instruments. Next to him his female aide, Wuwa, stood silent.

Huw approached his fellow and opened the broadcast channel in order to communicate with him. "How long do you think this world has been floating alone in space?"

"I don't know, I think more than a thousand years, probably…"

"Did our chief-researchers discover how it has gone so far? Why has it been ripped away from its pristine solar system?"

"They thought it happened because of an abrupt action of the feared Planet Stealers." he replied, turning his triangular helmet to Huw. From the outside, the interlocutor was able to see his hairless, four-eyed head inside. "They are told to have dealt the same way with so many planets, the ones not so evoluted or technologically advanced as they were, which proved unable to stand against them. It is unknown if that happened as a sort of punishment, maybe just to make all the worlds nearby respect them and not to question their resolutions anymore, or cause of some past war…" Wuwa added.

"But no one has seen the Planet Stealers for a very long time in the whole galaxy, there's no record in recent history about them…"

"You're the historian, Huw" Kuw crisply replied. "By luck, they've gone extinct now, likely, or at least they don't roam this space area anymore"

"What do our field officers say?"

"They have already had the bombs placed in the underground, explosion is in two days…" the First Superintendent Technician answered.

"But…have you asked the Council for a new overall evaluation? Don't they see what they're going to do?"

"They won't change their minds, be sure. This lonely planet is dangerously erratic, moreover it's approaching an expanse densely settled. It is too near to our planetary system, too, just to let it go this way simply…"

"That's terrible!" the historian objected.

"Unfortunately, we have the technology to destroy it, putting and end to its pointless going around in space, but do not possess any means to safely avert its course, it's too big, only the Planet Stealers could do it."

"But they are not here around, anyway…" Wuwa softly pointed out.

"That's all you have to say?" Huw cried out.

"I don't want any problem, you know…" Wuwa glanced at him.

"There should be another way…"

"There is not" Kuw intervened. "Don't be selfish, you're forgetting about the safety of our colonies in this sector, just think of it!"

"And what about such a great historic loss? I'll make a formal protest!"

"As you please, but it will be unfruitful, you know"

"Be reasonable, grant me just some time more, do not make the bombs explode! The Council is making an enormous mistake, you know, they will cancel really a wonderful example of alien archaeology: we're speaking of an extinct species…probably this world was inhabited by billions of intelligent living beings in times past. By destroying it, you'll kill all of them twice! We didn't even know how they called themselves, what deeds they achieved… There will be no remains of their civilization afterward. I can't allow you do this!" the historian cried out.

"I am in charge here!" Kuw rolled all his eyes.

"Look at those stones trapped in the ice, consider their size, touch them as I do now...don't you feel the history coming out from them?" Huw insisted, "How many other alien species do you know that built once a Great Wall like this, 5,500 miles long? The same about those strange Pyramid-like structures, and that peculiar statue next to them, found elsewhere on the surface, under this cold cover, or …"

"Don't bother us…" the First Superintendent Technician asked him. "I have a work to be done."

"The same about me," Wuwa said. "The Council may become very teasing at times, if I just try to stand out against that, you know, everything could go awry for us…"

"People disappear when they thwart the Council's plans" Kuw reminded his fellow.

"But…"

"Regretfully, the Council has decided, for the good of all of us. So, please, ask no more!" Wuwa cut him short.

Clouded inside, Huw stretched out his left hand, touched the ruins of that wondrous Great Wall for the last time and let his twenty fingers take account of them once again.

All that was cruel! Didn't they figure out what terrible mistake they were going to do? Was Kuw only an ice-cold, aloof technician or simply didn't he care at all about? –His "work-to-be-done" was the only thing meaning really something to him? The historian couldn't approve, no way.

What about Wuwa? Did she care about something else other than her career? Or, simply, she was too unmanly? Huw didn't know, too.

Was he himself the only one capable of taking care of such matter, the last defender of the ruins of a dead species?

There was really nothing he could do, Huw knew well. He slowly moved away from the control station, dragging all his tired legs, just thinking that there would have been a general outcry from History cause of all that, one day.


The End



Watch who you Trust!



Monga studies the charts and computer displays along with Kerlunta in the Chamber of Destiny. Monga's long hair shook with awe and Kerlunta's scales hardened themselves as a clear picture started forming in their mind's eye. The asteroid would collide within one month. Action is required now, not theory to save their world, Elwood.

"Are you sure about you calculations?" Kerlunta said.

"Of course I'm sure!" Monga retorted.

Then why didn't you present your findings to the council? It's your duty to!" Kerlunta said.

Because if unchecked data is submitted to them--and it's proven erroneous you will pay with your life," Monga said. "You should know that!"

Kerlunta glared at Monga but Monga shrugged his shoulders and ignored Kerlunta as an older kid would to a younger brother that had just been proven wrong.

Kerlunta's eyes found the Honor Wall where awards to great scientist were displayed. Monga's award, a new one glittered brightly in the light generated from moss-like growth that clung to the ceiling. His eyes widened as he read over the award again and again. Every day he read the award and every day his scales reddened more.

"Surface temperature has increased .5 degrees," Crebs said. He waited patiently for Monga's reply. None came.

"Monga looked at Crebs then said, "Go check my calculations with the crystal grazer. I want another check before I announce what I have found. And I hope I'm in error--for once." Monga looked up a Kerlunta with a deep stare the penetrated into the very caverns of Kerlunta's soul. Kerlunta frowned, for he knew that Monga was never in error.

Kerlunta turned and studied the surface of Elwood through a periscope. Monga studied Kerlunta's tall muscular frame with well-defined muscles that pushed his scales tighter and tighter until they appeared as armor.

Monga looked at his thin arms with loose-skin-clinging to the bones. His face contorted as he thought and watched Kerlunta push his way through or around others for most moved out of his way. Blah, Blah, Blah , Monga thought as he studied Kerlunta for a moment and glared at Kerlunta's necklace--awarded to only those who have won the all-games of physical challenges during the last year in the academy. Monga turned his attention to the crystals that displayed images of the asteroid.

Through the periscope the stars changed into new patterns never seen before every few minutes, and the terrain with its icy winds, and rolling hills and the one active volcano, were photographed and archive for future reference. The core temperature of Elwood remained steady as it had since the first records were kept. This data was a requirement every twelve hours. Kerlunta entered the data, thought for a moment but before another thought came to him, Creds whispered, "It is not an asteroid! It behaves like it's intelligently controlled!

"Let me see your calculations!" Kerlunta whispered.

Creds showed Kerlunta his graphs and projected trajectory of the asteroid and, to Kelunta surprise since Kerlunta was versed in mathematic, Kelunta saw something that Monga had missed. The asteroid did indeed change its direction, a change that could not be attributed to gravity from Elwood, and the asteroid appeared to be slowing down! It was intelligently controlled.

"Gather all you data and meet me in Destiny's cavern. We will approach the council with this data. They will be enlightened that a young two-year academy student has solved this problem of the asteroid. Now, the great Monga will not be so great anymore!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You did as I told you?" Kelunta said.
"Yes, sir--I deleted all the info about the asteroid in my work-section and my private -space." Creds said.

"Very good," Kerlunta said. "Let me have the data."

After the Destiny Cavern, they made a right down the Sky-View carven which had large and very thick crystal-windows that let a passer-by look upon the surface of Elwood.

"Let us go into the antechamber and see if we can see it," Kerlunta said

They passed four doors, each thick-steeled, and only Kerlunta or his equal in rank had the codes to open them.

Finally in the antechamber Kerlunta looked up at the sky and showed Creds where the asteroid should be.

"I can see it!! I can see it!! I can see it!! Creds screamed. "Oh my lord, I can hardly wait for permission to come out here on my own...."

Kerlunta backed up and out the door leading into the antechamber. He took a device out of his pocket and threw it in near Cleps's leg.

Kerlunta closed the door leading into the antechamber, then waited. The outer door to the surface of the planet in the antechamber opened on its own, and Cleps could only move two steps until he was turned into a frozen statue---still standing with the device at his feet.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A large space ship almost a mile-long and half-mile wide, landed on Elwood in a month.

"Kerlunta you will have the highest honor on the Great Wall. Without your calculations, we might have fired a missile to deflect an asteroid, and our new-found friend here might have taken it as an act of war."

"I feel the death of young Cleps were my fault..." Kerlunta said.

No, he was just an over-zealous-young man who took your device without permission....


The End

[kailhofer]

To vote, rate these stories using the form below with scores of 1-10 (in whole numbers) and send it to me via PM: (Copy it into memory, click the 'PM' button below my avatar (or depending on your board style, mouse over the green username by my avatar and a menu will pop up with an option to send a private message), paste the form in, & then fill in your scores.)

Categories:
1) What overall score would you give the story?
2) How good was the Characterization?
3) How effective (or original) was the plot?
4) How clear was the setting to you?
5) How good was the use of dialog?
6) How well did the story meet or address the challenge as it was given?

NOTE: you must have posted at least one message before you can send a PM. Join in a discussion or just say hi in a thread before voting via PM. If I suspect a voter of being a false identity (i.e. a troll), I won't count their vote.

Author scores for their own entry will not be counted.



Transmit Only
1) Overall:
2) Characterization:
3) Plot:
4) Setting:
5) Dialog:
6) Challenge:

I Yanowaddimeen
1) Overall:
2) Characterization:
3) Plot:
4) Setting:
5) Dialog:
6) Challenge:

The Blind Rebellion
1) Overall:
2) Characterization:
3) Plot:
4) Setting:
5) Dialog:
6) Challenge:

Regretfully
1) Overall:
2) Characterization:
3) Plot:
4) Setting:
5) Dialog:
6) Challenge:

Watch Who You Trust!
1) Overall:
2) Characterization:
3) Plot:
4) Setting:
5) Dialog:
6) Challenge:

[Lester Curtis]

I've voted. Tough assignment.

[kailhofer]

Greetings from the field at Aphelion Downs.

Today marks the start of a Herculean race. It's amazing the obstacles the race coordinator has hurled at these intrepid runners. Water hazzards... high hurdles, and deep trenches to overcome. It will be amazing if these competitors can even complete the course!

I asked the race coordinator about the difficulty factor and he scoffed. "It's like popcorn. You can either chew it up or choke on it," he said. Something tells me he must be difficult to by a birthday gift for.

Anyhow, here's the starter. He raises the gun... And they're off!

First out of the gate is GEORGE! Why, he just shot out of there. Next behind him is HERO, followed closely by that wily competitor, MICHELE. We'll have to see if she pulls out any of her old tricks.

Stay tuned for further updates!

[Lester Curtis]

I've voted. Tough assignment.

So tough, that I shall decline to vote for fear that my confusion will bias the results. I don't have a firm read on these. I'm more at home with declarative stories.

C'mon, Tao, don't wimp out on us! Breathe deep and take your time; you've got a few days left (I think). Besides, if confusion biases the results -- let it! That's perfectly legitimate in my book.

[Megawatts]

This was a tough challenge. Kind of reminded me of Bear Meat!!

[kailhofer]

Nah, call it vote integrity - better not to vote at all then vote from weakness. It's what all writers fear - a critic out of his depth casting judgement anyway.

I'd call it Poppycock.

I'll tell you something writers fear far more than a vote from weakness: No one reading and no one voting.

These stories are not meant just for each other among the entrants. They are meant for general consumption by a generic SF-loving audience. I realize that mostly the people who vote are writers themselves, but we're as close as we've got. The less feedback, they get, the less it seems like it was worth the effort, and there was a lot of effort on this one.

If you're qualified to read, then you're qualified to have an opinion. That is EXACTLY the input we want.

[kailhofer]

Rounding the first turn, it's GEORGE out in front! HERO has a solid claim on second, and SERGIO is not far behind.

Stay tuned for further race updates!

[Lester Curtis]

Nah, call it vote integrity - better not to vote at all then vote from weakness. It's what all writers fear - a critic out of his depth casting judgement anyway.

I'd call it Poppycock.

I'll tell you something writers fear far more than a vote from weakness: No one reading and no one voting.

These stories are not meant just for each other among the entrants. They are meant for general consumption by a generic SF-loving audience. I realize that mostly the people who vote are writers themselves, but we're as close as we've got. The less feedback, they get, the less it seems like it was worth the effort, and there was a lot of effort on this one.

If you're qualified to read, then you're qualified to have an opinion. That is EXACTLY the input we want.

Yes. The writers posting their stories here want to know how readers react to them. Certainly you had reactions to the stories, didn't you? Give 'em number values and post the results. As long as you try to be sincere, it's a valid -- and valued input.

The votes help all of us, too; not just the ones who submitted a story.

To quote Ms Buweiser: submit!

[Megawatts]

My votes are in!

Bottomdweller, I'm glad everything is okay after the tornado. We've had some serious storms this year approaching tornado classification. I know what it's like.

Take care!!!

[Megawatts]

Good going, Michele. We need more people like you. A little civic duty goes a long way.

Because of the time saved with the firetuck, the crew just might have saved a life! that night ,or in another emergency on a different day and you responding the same way!!

Good job!!

[kailhofer]

Nah, call it vote integrity - better not to vote at all then vote from weakness. It's what all writers fear - a critic out of his depth casting judgement anyway.

I'd call it Poppycock.

I'll tell you something writers fear far more than a vote from weakness: No one reading and no one voting.

First Nate, have you ever seen a poppycock! This looks nothing like it!

Perhaps I should have called it a cop out instead. As both a reader, a writer of challenge entries, and also an editor here, I feel by claiming 'it's all just to tough to judge' Tao may be lacking in his "duty" to the Aphelion community and especially to the writers in this challenge, as well as missing one of the major points of the exercise. That's my personal opinion anyway, and I'll explain as I go.

I know what you're saying. In essence, if the writer's who participate in the challenges do not themselves vote, you have no contest.

No.

That's not at all what I'm saying.

First, I feel it is part of an unwritten agreement between participants and readers to write and get feedback. A big part of that feedback is the vote. If the writers have done their part and entertained the reader, then the reader "pays back" by voting to give feedback to the writer about how well he or she did. A tremendous effort went into this challenge, because it was very, very hard. To skip voting is to not hold up your end of the deal.

Second, this is genre fiction for the purpose of training writers to improve their craft, and also to entertain us all. Genre fiction is written for a general audience. Feedback is supposed to represent what a genre fiction audience would like. Generally speaking, even though most of the votes come from other writers, those writers are themselves genre readers, and are therefore give us the best representation available to us of how the potential market out there will see their efforts. If the audience does not give them feedback, then that is like leaving them wandering in the woods, instead of picking out high points that could one day lead them to the promised land.

A general audience is just that--general. It is both informed and uninformed, but it has an opinion. Said opinion varies, but thanks to a system of averages, that is, voting, the average opinion can be measured.

Deigning that view is the opposite of market awareness.

But Tao couldn't be more right than if he invented the concept of writing. You backed yourself into a corner by requiring writers to vote with a breakdown voting method, when submitting the titles for favorite story would likely get you more voters (after awhile).

That was a move to prevent rampant tampering from trolls, as you recall, and it worked.

But your requirement for writer's to vote IF they submit a story, no matter how unfair that might be (after all, they have already done their work in the story crafting) doesn't negate Tao's point, that writers generally do not prefer critics and or voters to review their stories on a whim or a skewed or uninformed judgement.

There are some writers that I would trust to do a voting breakdown and others I would not. A worthless critique is worse than none at all, except to build character in the writer, so he can take it on the jaw and keep writing.

That is your opinion, one that you are entitled to have, but not one which I agree with. Personally, I do not think it represents the majority of other writers, but that is only my opinion.

What, do you want a reader/voter to determine the position of a story with a 0 or a 10 when they do not understand what they have read, or are not interested in some of the stories by preference (just trying to get the vote in and be done with it). I don't! If you think you are getting a snapshot of a general audience, you are not! Why, because usually the reading audience are not contestants in the challenge they are voting in AND a general audience would likely prefer to leave comments of their personal opinions while not shaping the destiny of the story's postion by voting outside of their element.

Besides the other writers in the challenge, you have no idea who voted.

I'm the only one who sees them, and I don't tell.

Votes are private, but I will say this: since we changed voting styles, there has always been at least one non-participant voting (and I'm not counting me, either, although I'm a genre reader with an opinion, too). Said voter(s) are not always writers. Some general Joe-Shmoe lurkers vote, too, and I thank them for that.

If you want input from people's personal opinions, encourage all writers to comment after the voting. That would be more profitable than a breakdown voting system that is forced upon the challenge participants (forced as in penalized scoring if you DO submit a story and don't vote).

Writers are always encouraged to comment after the contest concludes. There are some very useful items in those critiques. However, I contend that the average "voting score" opinion is actually more valuable in the long run for facing a genre audience, especially since more than just the other writers vote.

[kailhofer]

Michele,

I tip my hat. Nicely done. I guess good people make good neighbors, too.

[kailhofer]

The problem is two fold: Requiring participants to vote or be penalized in the final voting scores is demanding the writer to read, think and score the other entries whether he or she wants to or not. Maybe there are time constrants or the writer is not interested in providing an indepth critique through the voting breakdown system and yet they are obligated to by entering the challenge. Voting should not be mandatory. It didn't use to be.

It's true, voting did not used to be mandatory, and it's absolutely true that it is not entirely fair to require writers to vote in detail each time.

The current voting system was created with a tremendous amount internal debate over what was most "fair". The poll-based, choose a favorite technique did bring in more votes. However, a lot of them were troll votes, and since it was impossible to tell which were real votes and which were troll, they had little value. Also, picking a winner in the previous system did not result in a lot of feedback. 20 votes may come in (maybe 8-10 of which might be "real"), but perhaps only 3-6 comments were posted. That's not much to go on if a writer wants to improve his or her craft.

Now, I can't claim to have the wisdom of a Founding Father, but it seemed to me that a different system was needed, both to provide feedback and to thwart the troll(s). Who has the most invested in the stories and would benefit most from feedback? The writers who entered. Therefore, it seemed "more fair" to require them to give feedback by breakdown vote. That way, even if a troll could slip in a vote, it would not be enough to deliberately ruin the vote as a whole, since the writers themselves would be there to cancel the troll's vote out. Plus, the rating in one category would not be enough to "kill" a story, so if someone bombed in dialog but did great in everything else, for example, the remaining scores could bring it through. Voting by breakdown (and indeed just by requiring a PM) was bound to lower the numbers of votes cast, so it seemed "more fair" to use breakdowns, thereby supplying the feedback the author needed to grow and succeed. That any non-participants vote by breakdown is icing on the cake, as it were, since generally-speaking the "nons" did not comment afterward in the previous system.

Second, the breakdown is an opportunity for someone to torpedo a story for a lot of unfair reasons or boost someone to the top with a single voting breakdown. Six ones or twos or six nine or tens based on one persons feelings is too much power for one voter. They have six chances to make or break a story instead of one as in picking a title of one's favorite story!

If my story was in the hands of you or Bill and or a handful of other Aphelion writers, I can relax even if the end result is not favorable. But it only takes one uninformed voter to blast a story to smithereens merely because they are in a hurry or have a bias that colors their view. A voter bias with only one chance to affect a story (by choosing a title) is better than having a full chamber of six zero's or ones to kill a story that is perfectly good to others. A story cannot come back from a hit like that!

It's not all about the win. It's about learning from the experience.

However, you're not correct in your assessment. Frequently, the stories that win do in fact come back from exactly the scenario where a voter gives very low scores to it, like not more than a 3. That seems to me to be precisely why the current voting strategy of averaging the breakdowns work. Also, we have run "pick one" by PM challenges in the past, for the mult-part challenges. Voting numbers did not increase, as I recall.

If "pick one" by PM voting numbers did not increase and the numbers of feedback messages did not increase, that does not seem to me to be a superior system.

Since you receive votes by pm's, require the writer's to send their favorite story title for their single vote and insist they comment after the voting. That way, personal bias or running short on time etc. does not affect a story's position in the overall scoring AND the writer has received a fair amount of feedback. I could go for that because my inability to know what to look for in the current voting breakdown would only reflect in my comments and not in the scoring.

If it's too much work to vote in the current system and is unfair, as your posts seem to contend, how would this strategy be less of an imposition? How would the writer have more time to comment in detail afterward if they didn't have the time up front as in the current system?

However, I contend that the average "voting score" opinion is actually more valuable in the long run for facing a genre audience, especially since more than just the other writers vote.

That's if you have a writer like Bill as an example who will work at his assessments. Whims are fine for comments, but not for determining a story's ranking. And if a voter casts a vote on a whim, at least it is only one vote (if the titles are requested as the votes).

Save the breakdowns for the commenting. There I would love to read them!

Bill or I (or any of us) can be uninformed, let me assure you. We may just be better at hiding it. Seriously, a general audience is composed of all types: people who don't understand, people who do, people with an axe to grind, people who are fans of the author, people who love setting, and folks like you who only feel comfortable grading plot. The only way I know to gauge a general audience is with a general averaging like we do in the vote.

However, I am not an ogre. Just like people are afforded a chance to appeal a story rejection with their best argument, if I can be presented with a case that convinces me, I will change the ruling. If you can convince me that your method of vote by title and be forced to comment afterwards (or an alternate system) is better, I'll change it. Logistics are a big part of that... how do you "force" people to comment after a winner is announced? What happens if they don't? Do you take back the win? I don't see how to do that in a way that would be considered "fair" by the participants, but I'm all ears.

Nate

[kailhofer]

I can see some serious concerns, but I'll need time reflect and to compose a more in-depth reply.

[kailhofer]

Congratulations to one of my oldest friends, J. Davidson Hero. The voters marked your story, "The Blind Rebellion," highest. Personally, I thought it really hit the target for this challenge, and I was proud to post it. Well done.



For the record, these were the authors of the entries for this month:

Transmit Only by Richard Tornello
If Yanowaddimeen by Michele Dutcher
The Blind Rebellion by J. Davidson Hero
Regretfully by Sergio Palumbo
Watch Who You Trust by George T. Philibin




SCORES: (Overall next to the story title, then the average score next to each question #.)



Transmit Only : 192
1) Overall: 6
2) Characterization: 5
3) Plot: 6
4) Setting: 5
5) Dialog: 5
6) Challenge: 5
# Perfect 10s: 1
# Zeroes: 0

If Yanowaddimeen : 134
1) Overall: 4
2) Characterization: 4
3) Plot: 3
4) Setting: 4
5) Dialog: 5
6) Challenge: 4
# Perfect 10s: 1
# Zeroes: 3

The Blind Rebellion : 261
1) Overall: 7
2) Characterization: 8
3) Plot: 8
4) Setting: 7
5) Dialog: 7
6) Challenge: 8
# Perfect 10s: 7
# Zeroes: 0

Regretfully : 224
1) Overall: 7
2) Characterization: 6
3) Plot: 6
4) Setting: 6
5) Dialog: 6
6) Challenge: 7
# Perfect 10s: 1
# Zeroes: 0

Watch Who You Trust : 241
1) Overall: 6
2) Characterization: 7
3) Plot: 7
4) Setting: 7
5) Dialog: 7
6) Challenge: 7
# Perfect 10s: 1
# Zeroes: 0

[Lester Curtis]

As much as I hate to say it, this challenge seemed to bring out the worst . . . Michele and Rick hit the lowest and second-lowest, respectively, that I think I've ever scored (not that I keep good track of that). Those two stories, in particular, seemed generally aimless. I might have been missing something, but I did read all the stories twice. And just for the record, both of those writers usually fare a lot better with me.

Maybe it was just the contrast that got to me. Hero's really is a good story -- very good in all respects, and Sergio's was, in my opinion, a good couple of notches above his usual quality.

I do notice that my personal overall point spread was far wider than the official tabulation. Also a lot wider than usual in my own scoring.

Yeah, I ruined somebody's averages, but -- I wasn't alone in that. This was a hellish challenge, no mistaking it. A few of you flew and a couple of you crashed, but don't take it hard; this happens -- to everyone.

Anyway, congrats, J. Davidson!

[Megawatts]

Congratulations to J. Davidson Hero. I like his other stories that appear in Aphelion and thought his deserved to win.

This was a hard challenge---one that taxed my imagination and made me think for a while before I could come up with a story. Really, 1000 words is not enough space to give June’s challenge the story that I’m sure one of us could make into a magnificent tale!!

All the stories were interesting, but ‘Transmit Only’ still has me think. It was a unique take and one the deserved more attention.

Good job to everyone!!!

[Megawatts]

I agree with Rick. Just leave it as it is. We can all critique the stories on our own.

Really, I can't think of a better system that the one Nate uses now.

[kailhofer]

Mark,

That you are passionate about your idea is obvious. What is less obvious is proof of why the system needs to change in the first place. You say that one person can tank a story, and that is too much power. Common practice has not held that to be true.

Passion is not persuasion. You have not proven to me the need to change, or how the alternate system would be better in some sort of quantified way. In short, you are lacking in evidence to support your claim. Simply stating it would be superior does not make it so. It does not even make it obvious.

I was greatly displeased about your comments on Michele's scores. The simple fact is that people are different, and have different likes. I think Michele will not be offended by this, so I'll give some facts about the votes for her story. 3 different people did not score it higher than a 2 in any category. My own score for her tale averaged to a 5, and that was because I gave her the only 10--for dialog--but my 5 other scores were obviously lower.

Michele is a good writer. Everyone here knows this, but she did not write a story this time that everyone should automatically like or be judged to be some kind of idiot or saboteur.

In your proposed system, people in a sense campaign for the stories they like. This favors people who are passionate speakers, who are able to win others over, but let's say someone is just shy, or doesn't want to "fight." "Fighting" is what would happen, I have no doubt, because when people disagree over things they are passionate about, sooner or later, reason loses out. This would give an unfair amount of attention to certain stories, and I feel turn people off the challenges rather than drawing them in. I mean, what if the person on the other end has to work late that night and can't go online?

A thing you don't seem to realize is that there are feelings to be respected. Let say John, who I've known for over 20 years, wrote just an absolute stinker. Just a plain, awful bomb (heaven forbid!) that he loved. Do you think I'd like to post those scores in front of him (or a verbalized version that any smart person can tell if you liked or didn't)? Of course not. Now, John would forgive me, because that's the kind of guy he is, but I would feel very guilty. Rather than feel that guilt, I might not say what I really thought.

I hardly think I am unique. There is a reason that a voting booth is private.

[Lester Curtis]

I'm perfectly content to stay with the voting system we have. Nate has gone a long distance out of his busy way to explain why it is the way it is, and his arguments make sense to me.

Mark, your own plan has a gaping hole in it. As I understand, you'd have each voter choose ONE story as their favorite, and comment only on that one. So, if one rises significantly above the others (as happened this month), then the commentary becomes a chorus of cheer-leading for that story, and the others get less or NO helpful critique.

I could easily live with J. Davidson's idea of eliminating the competitive aspect, but I'd leave all scoring and commentary public, as it is in an in-person writer's group.

[Lester Curtis]

Here’s the deal: This contest is in the Fun and Games section – not the Life or Death section. It’s FUN people.

Michele, thanks for bringing our attention back into perspective.

As to other perspectives . . . Mark's, in particular:

When I joined this challenge over two years ago, there were about 5 to 8 participants per challenge and a little bit of commenting. Now, there are still 5 to 8 entries and almost no commentary! No increase in the number of submissions and a deep cut in the commenting.

You can't have helped but notice that the majority of new "members" are all spammers, and how rare it is for a new member to be very active at all.

We need more exposure. We need this site to be linked more extensively. I joined a writers group a few weeks ago, and at the second meeting (my second) I handed out a list of helpful links for writers, and this site was at the top. But since, as far as I can tell, the F&SF genre is only represented by myself and one other person in that group, that may get us one more participant.

What's worse is that, out of hundreds listed as site members, only a few make any regular contributions.

As you said,

The problem as I see it is incentive and there really isn't any except the handful here that come and go are sort of a club.

We're a Small Circle of Friends. As I see it, the members who don't participate aren't going to start. Talk 'incentive' all you want, I don't see this site as having any to offer that would make a difference.

Mandatory feedback can't be enforced, and may even drive someone away. What would you do? Ban everyone who doesn't post a comment? Might as well shut the site down.

You seem to think that there's some carrot-and-stick solution here, but I just don't see it, because you can't enforce a passion for writing. A person who doesn't feel it as strongly as the few of us do just isn't going to change; they either have it or they don't. To me, the best way -- likely the only way to increase participation, is to attract more new writers who do have the passion.

Spread the word.

[kailhofer]

There have been way too many posts to respond to them all.


There is a general misconception about how many people come to our little corner of the net.

In all honesty, it isn't many, in my opinion. Rob would have a better actual numbers/estimate. A smaller set of numbers go to the forum, fewer comment, and even fewer check out our challenges.

33 different authors have entered the challenges since they started. No, it isn't very many at a time, and it never was, for whatever reason.

A number of efforts have been made to gain more attention to the zine, the forum, and the challenges. None have worked so far. I know myself, I simply don't have time to do more. Creating and running the challenges uses up all the tiny amount of free time I have left. I don't even have time to write anymore. If any of you want to spend time promoting Aphelion and the challenges, be my guest.

I'd love a flash button, a challenge button, and have said so for years, but those changes are up to Rob alone, and so far he has not moved forward on that. We may respectfully request, but it is his call.

[Lester Curtis]

If any of you want to spend time promoting Aphelion and the challenges, be my guest.

Yesterday I posted a link to our home-page at SFF.net. Maybe someone will see it; maybe not -- that link list is buried pretty deep -- but I believe in this, so I did something about it. I also looked at sfwa.org to see if there was someplace there that would accept a link, but couldn't exactly figure out if there was or not. A writer can become a member (paying dues) but they don't seem to have a place for web-zines to link to.

I'm looking for more places to link to -- if anyone here has posted a story to Anotherealm, they can post a link -- http://anotherealm.org/FAQ/faq.php?q_id=13.

[Lester Curtis]

Also, someone mentioned getting our link posted to Quantum Muse -- it's already there. I'm back to work at this.

[kailhofer]

Bill wrote

The voting now becomes a little less like a homework assignment. I didn't even vote, this time.

Ranking the stories had occurred to me at some point too. It would simplify the voting. If everyone voted for a different top story, but the same 2nd place story, the 2nd place story would then win once the rankings were averaged, because the overall ranking would win out. Sounds like a compromise between the current system and a return to the single vote system. The contributing writers would lose the ability to compare their scores from one challenge to the next, as in "Hmmm, I've been getting 5s in dialogue, I'm really going to work on that to see if I can improve in that category..."

I'm not saying this is good or bad, but I do have a few questions. Logistically, how do I tell who won? Is it a count of how many votes for top ranking a story got? Sometimes we have 9 stories to rate. Would I also have to count the frequency of all the other places as well to know where everyone wound up?

I don't know about voting, but scoring this way may be more difficult for me, unless I'm missing something.

[kailhofer]

Stories seldom seem to get more than 2 stars, which doesn't, IMHO, accurately reflect the quality of the stories in those contests. After trying to understand their system, I find I appreciate Nate's voting system at Aphelion a lot more. In fact I don't put much stock in the voting there at all. They do seem to get a lot of entries some months, and writers seem to change from month to month. They give a pretty general prompt as a theme for the contest, 1000 words being the only real limitation. And their contest is more visible than here. They do have a separate URL to go right to the contest stories and the contest is not buried in the forum. So maybe that explains the contest participation levels.

A general prompt may just be easier, too. Then again, Absolute Write does it that way for flash challenges and has thousands of active users, but seldom got as many entries as we do here.

I do realize that this month was exceptionally hard. I'll see if I can tone it down a little next time. It's sometimes difficult, considering I still need to challenge some pretty talented writers. Ah well, that's my problem.

We might improve with faster access (i.e. a button), but my hands are tied there.

[Lester Curtis]

Nate wrote:

I'd love a flash button, a challenge button, and have said so for years, but those changes are up to Rob alone, and so far he has not moved forward on that. We may respectfully request, but it is his call.

I have an idea . . . if a button can't be done, could the flash at least be moved to its own subforum? Meaning, it wouldn't be listed under "Fun and Games" anymore, but be a category of its own. That may be an easier change to accomplish. Just a thought.

I know it would be a lot of work to move the existing material into a new location, but that may not even be needed -- just post a notice -- a sticky, perhaps, at the top of the "Fun and Games" column to the effect that the old material will stay put, but the monthly flash challenge will now be in its own separate forum.

[Megawatts]

It's no easy task to overhaul the voting system. Everyone has an idea and many are superb! However, everyone also has different ways of thinking and assimilating information that might conflict with another's outlook, and often communicating one’s opinion is a challenge---for we all communicate in different styles. Some people just nod. Others do a hissy-fit, others shrug their shoulders, while others will give a detailed and very long oral presentation fitting for a candidate defending his thesis. Others will just say F--that!!!. See the point!

What's green to me might be blue-green to another.

I can't think of any that will work for all, except perhaps three or more different voting formats, and then after reading the challenges pick the one format that you are comfortable with, fill it out, then send it in.

But even that type of voting system has many snags, and will create a real mess to the judge or judges. Making one end of the voting system easier might cause the other end more headaches!

I think we should give Bill's suggestion a shot because it is a small change that I think we all can live with. And it does have merit! It is simple, clear and workable for all.

I’ve read the suggestions offered and many are good. I, myself, don’t have any tangible ideas to suggest, except simpler is usually better.

[kailhofer]

Mark,

Are you familiar with the term, "whinge"?


All did was to ask how Bill's proposed scoring system would work. I treated your idea with no less politeness or propriety, but you had already explained your scoring system. Bill has not "proven" his assumption that the current system is costing us voters.

One big difference between your proposals is that you seemed to be contending that it is unfair to force authors to vote the way we do, whereas Bill seems to be contending it is too hard to vote that way. That is not the same thing. Similar, but not the same.

The general public of writer entrants seems to agree that voting is hard but that it is not unfair to be forced to vote. The opinion of the public is not all it takes, but since I need all of you to make this contest work, I do listen to a consensus. If a consensus would like to try something on a one-time basis, why would I want to say no to that?

I merely asked for clarification. The next challenge will still be run the old way. In the meantime, I am open to working out the details of an alternate system. However, "proof" is a big deal to me. Do you or Bill know a way to "prove" your opinions are correct in a way other than just insisting they are? I'd prefer hard data.

The current system gives feedback to improve your craft based on numbers, and picks a winner. The two proposed systems just pick a winner.

Let us start there, voting public. Send me a PM stating whether or not you want feedback in the vote or just a winner. Individual answers will remain anonymous, as always. (If the troll wasn't around, I'd love to just post a regular poll, but as is, we'd never know if the data was good.)

Other ideas about feedback and comments afterward are not withstanding for this poll. All I'm trying to see is do you writers out there want feedback in the vote itself or do you prefer just to know who won?

Let's start getting some actual numbers before changing anything.