[Poll] VOTE: December '11 Flash Challenge

[kailhofer]

To vote, rate these stories on the form in the post following this one and send it to me via PM:


The challenge was to write a tale of a lunar colonist trying to find the perfect, last-minute gift for their significant other.



The following entries were received:



What they left apart…



The depot room gate opened wide and Brett entered.There was a lot of dust there inside and many abandoned excavation tools.

He walked along cautiously, there was no air in the room and his bulky work-spacesuit was not suited at all to move fast within such a small area, as it was meant to be used in the open on the Moon surface.

The old man proceeded without doubts to the shelf where he knew the thing he was looking for had remained for so long.His gloves took away the plastic bag upon it and reached that,putting the piece religiously inside the box placed next to him on the unwashed floor.

Then Brett left in a hurry, sure he had been unseen from anyone around.After all, that was a very old depot on the north side of Doosra Chand Shehr (Lunar City Two) no one did care of anymore, as the development area had moved up North- East long ago.

The black starry sky looked silent and dull as usual while he was coming back slowly to the Main Dome that formed part of the town where he lived.

As soon as he entered again the Great Gate, he found the roads and the passageways full of workers from Kazakhstan and some Chinese technicians who crowded the place, as usual.The NeoPakistani guards looked at everything around very attentively.Christmas 2202 was close at hand but nobody out there did care of that, actually.Work conditions and common life in Doosra Chand Shehr were really hard at this time, other than that Christmas holidays had been forbidden many years ago…

Fearing for their nasty look, Brett moved away immediately, reaching the big,poor shed that served as an accomodation for all the Western workers living under the dome.Once inside,nuzzled on his small bed, the colonist put the box on the blankets,opened it and delicately took out the very important contents.

As soon as the worker had known that his young son, fifteen years old and already used to the work-spacesuit he wore daily (while on the construction area north of Lunar City Two), was going to pay a visit, he had decided he had to give him a beautiful present this year.So he had chosen to take that piece of metal he had found by chance one month ago, while searching inside that depot for some useful tools in order to fix his corner cabinet.

At first Brett didn’t believe in what he saw, but then all the photos and the documents attached to it made him sure about it.“Jeez!” he had exclaimed when sure about that, in the end.

While staring at that metallic remains,scratching at his gray beard, a lot of things came to his mind…

In 2012 scientists had been warning that the sun's solar cycle could cause powerful storms,leaving many places on Earth without communication and electricity for months.Eventually it happened and the disfunctions lasted for some long years…
Powerful magnetic fields in the sun released immense amounts of energy into space, some of the particles coming from the explosion hit our planet at about a million miles an hour. Unfortunately, our world’s magnetic field, that had already started weakening over the course of the last centuries, had reduced the protection given to the surface so the side of the planet hit directly by such particles suffered enormous damages.All the wires did short out, energy facilities closed down, many industries ceased their activity and the military structures were deeply affected, too…As a result, at the beginning of the new day, the political balance of the world turned out to be unexpectedly subverted!All the countries on the other side of the planet, which had been fortunately preserved from the direct hit of the particles (thanks to Earth’s rotation),did take the opportunity to make the most out of their current military supremacy and showed off their strength in order to force the once-powerful-and-undefeated Western countries to surrender at once, under the threat of their (still) functioning weapons of mass destruction…The world’s overall situation changed completely.

New superpowers rose, such as NeoPakistan, endowed with nukes, which proved to be not pleasing, ready to rule over all the others…With the passing of years, they even reached the Moon thanks to the collection of so many riches and technologies taken worldwide in order to start their space program.And they stated they had been the first ones ever at achieving such an unprecedented result in Mankind’s history!They didn’t say the truth,certainly,but all the evidences, videos and photos from the past ( showing they had only gotten the second place in that space race…) had been destroyed according to the new authorities’ will and clear design of cultural primacy.

190 years had passed since then, only a few among the Westerners still remembered such sad events that the new official history had tried his best to wipe off the mind of everyone living on Earth or on the Moon colonies.

But they, the descendants of the elder North- American scientists, now full-time-workers for less than a bread’s slice per day, mantained a good memory of all that.

What better bequest for his son on the occasion of the (now forbidden) Christmas holidays? A remain of the Apollo Lunar Modules, also known as LEM , that those compelled space colonists coming from Central Asia did find on the ancient site of the first human landing on the Moon, keeping it hidden from the NeoPakistani authorities until today inside that disused depot.They had been moved elsewhere by force long ago,in order to continue the Lunar colonies’ construction, and such remains had been forgotten from everyone, but still there, anyway…

That was what they had left apart.An unquestionable evidence of a glorious past for the Westerners,now gone…


The End



Communication



Communication is frightfully important, especially when you’re trapped in a tiny little moonbase too far from Earth. Everything’s rationed; food, water, even air. And it’s not just what you say, it’s how you say it. Subtext extends through every word spoken; frustration and anger can breed and spread with the spoken word, and in this small, enclosed environment that’s not good.

What’s even worse is that our contact with the outside world is often text-based. It’s far too easy to read a hostile tone into an innocuous line of text; especially if you’re already feeling a little put-upon. And when you consider that most of our people came here strangers to each other, from different countries with different customs, you have a fairly explosive situation.

Hence, me. I’m the official psychological officer for the International Moonbase; it’s my job to make sure that everyone’s happy or at least not tearing each other’s throats out. By and large, this hasn’t been a problem. I know the early warning signs of stress and emotional poisoning, and I know how to head them off before they become serious. It’s not in what I say, but in how I say it; not in what I do, but in how I do it.

But now, I have a problem; and that problem’s name is Kim. Kim is a good-looking girl, intelligent, pleasant – everything I could ask for. And it’s her birthday on the 28th of December 2011. I had purchased her a gift, paid the frightful price to put it on the supply rocket to Earth, but it failed to reach us in time; there was a small leak in out backup backup backup air supply, and the extra air took priority – as it should, that is one thing we really don’t want to run out of.

Now, I’ve got a list of options. Giving Kim nothing won’t be good; I’ve been building up the idea of the gift in her mind over the last month, and the disappointment of not getting it will make her angry and unhappy. While this will not be pleasant for me, it will not end there; her anger and unhappiness will spread throughout the base.

Apologising and explaining the situation would be better – a lot better – but still not good enough. For a person as wonderful as Kim, I am not willing to settle for second best.

A substitute gift will be hard to arrange. My duties keep me busy, and in public, a lot of the time; I can’t let Kim find out what I am doing, and so would have to spend my little leisure time creating a suitable gift – and while I would happily spend all my leisure time creating a gift for Kim, I simply cannot think of anything that can be done in a few hours. I could try to carve a small statue from the lunar rock, but I am under no illusions – I am no sculptor. In fact, I am rather clumsy and uncoordinated. Moreover, almost all the equipment that’s sent up here is designed to be used and re-used; there’s virtually nothing that can be used as, or to make, a gift at all; and nothing that would be even remotely suitable.

This leaves me with only one option, which is to appeal to you. If it is after 28 December 2011, then please delete and ignore this email. If not, then please send it on to everyone in your address book (except anyone on the Moonbase). I’ve managed to arrange a small amount of time with the telescope; at precisely 21:00 Central Standard Time (see timezone conversion chart in the first attachment), I would like to request that you turn your lights, or the lights in your office block, on or off as described by the pattern in the second attachment, for a period of at least ten minutes. If enough people respond to this appeal, the words “Happy Birthday Kim Jones” will be visible from space; making it the first time in history that a planet has been used to deliver a birthday greeting.

Please. Help to make Kim’s birthday an occasion to go down in the history books.

- Karl van Egglenstein, Moonbase Psychological Officer


The End



The Three Hares



June 28, 2094 A.D.

Millius Suzzan sat in his suite within the third domed cities of Luna, staring in desperation at the holograph before him. The history student waved his hand to turn the image of three rabbits in a circle this way and that, but no epiphany was forthcoming. He set the holograph spinning, as though holding the motif on a finger and twirling it, watching the rabbits ‘run’, but still nothing.

“You’re making me feel guilty, Mill,” said his spouse Enk, walking into the main room from the kitchen. She walked up behind him, putting her long, thin arms around his shoulders, giving him a brief hug. “I was hoping that book of ancient symbols would have been here in time for Drakesday, but I checked and it’s been delayed at Lutet dome. It simply won’t be here until after the holidays. And to think that I paid two months’ salary for it.”

He looked over at her as she shrugged, taking the seat next to table facing him. Looking into her stunning yellow eyes it was impossible to get angry about the situation. “I love you, sweetheart – it’s not your fault that it got held up in Earth’s customs. The guys on the loading dock probably don’t know what a book is – they probably thought it was something to eat. I was just so hoping that actually holding a physical image of the object might free some idea from my subconscious – but it can’t be helped.”

“Tell me again about the symbol,” she offered. “Maybe it will clear your head.”

“It’s three lean rabbits running clockwise in a circle with their ears carved so that each rabbit shares an ear with the next one. The image makes it look as if there are six ears instead of just three. It first appeared in caves in China during the Bronze Age and eventually spread to cathedrals in Europe.”

“Does the motif always include this bold circle around the outside?”

“Always. It’s as if they’re running on a ball or globe of some kind.” He sat back in disgust. “I guess I can turn in my paper by just calling it a fertility symbol or something…it’s what everyone else has always done. I simply feel as if I’m so close to the foundation of the myth, what started it, why it was important enough to carry this symbol from one continent to another.”

Enk touched her husband’s hand, noting how much thicker, heavier it was than hers. He was the first generation of his family to live on Luna, having chosen to move here to be with her. Within a few generations his descendents would adapt to the reduced gravity by becoming lighter and thinner. She touched her abdomen and smiled, wondering if their baby would reflect life on the moon.

Millius smiled as well – pulling her onto his lap. She was heavier because of the baby but still lighter than any woman raised on Earth.
“It’s almost time for the Solar Eclipse,” she reminded him. “Everyone will be inside the viewing room. We should go – it’ll give you a break from all this.”

“You’re right sweetheart – I’ll get my heavy shoes and we can walk there.”
***
The walk had been refreshing and they had met friends along the way. Eventually everyone was seated in the auditorium, with their seats tilted back, looking at the white ceiling.

“The glass of the dome will become transparent in 60 seconds, 59…” said a soft male voice over the intercom.

“I always love this part, the countdown,” said Enk, smiling over at her husband. “There’s the anticipation of actually seeing old Terra Firma.”
“I’m glad you made me come, Enk. This is the best gift you could have given me – the two of us here, side by side, watching the eclipse with family and friends.”

And then the ceiling became transparent as the crowd gasped with awe. There it was, the darkened deep-blue marble of Earth, with the Sun appearing as just a solar corona surrounding the globe. The stars, no longer blotted-out by the harshness of the Sun’s light, stood out against the grey darkness of deep space.

Millius began to point out the continents to his wife,
whispering. “That’s the Pacific Ocean of course, and it’s ringed by: Asia on the left; which connects to the Americas by the Bering Strait, following down on the right to the tip of South America; which points to Antarctica; and then goes across the continent of Antarctica, up the Polynesian Islands, past Australia, ending up in Asia again making a big circle.”

His friendly lecture came to such an abrupt stop that Enk looked over at Millius who was turning pale. “I see it!” he whispered excitedly. “I see it all!” He pulled his eyes away from the Earth and stars overhead. “The Three Hares – it’s a representation of the most ancient cultures of the Pacific Rim. Of course it would have been handed down with reverence in Asia. The Americas, Antarctica, and Asia are the hares, and the ears are the land bridges that once connected them when the oceans weren’t as deep and Antarctica was still temperate! No wonder it was a symbol for good luck, a nod to a Golden Age in humanity’s mythic past.”

He eased back for a moment, looking upwards, as if seeing his home planet for the first time. “Thank you Enk. I’ll finish my paper and publish – this was the best Drakes Day gift ever!”

She flashed a smile which was followed quickly by a grimace. “You’re welcome sweetheart,” she said, “and yes it is time.”

Happy chaos ensued.


The End



The Present



Why am I here you ask? I’ll tell you.

I needed a gift for the Earth Winter Solstice Holiday for my wife Susan. She had accompanied me here with the other 49 childless couples to work as “pioneers”. We were establishing The Springboard To Space for future planetary exploitation and travel. The company RENMIBEE and The Republic OF TEXAS were working together to accomplish this before other organizations arrived here. Every couple worked. We would be well rewarded for our sacrifices.

Time is not rotationally based as on Earth, but strictly clock based. We still celebrated our culture’s holidays. Some called it Christmas, others The Solstice. I called it big trouble because the supply ship that had the gift for my wife, left it on earth. The holiday was the next day. I was so SOL. What was I to do?

We were allowed to carry so little in the way of personal stuff. I had my pet plant, a cactus that required very little water. That had to be explained to the company. Water was more expensive than unobtanium. They let me take it. It liked limestone based soils, lots of sunlight, which we had in abundance, and very little water. It is native to my Republic. Cultivated, it takes less than three years to bloom. They are so pretty.

Sue was allowed to bring some family treasures. She collected rare buttons from all over the world. She kept them in a display case. The case was small and light. Buttons, who would have guessed? A happy wife is a happy life, trust me. I wanted to keep it that way.

So what was I to do? Could I rip the button off an official passing through, like my college roommate used to do with hats? He stole a cops hat while the cop was sitting at a bar getting a bite to eat, and a fireman’s hat, at a fire. I don’t have those type of balls.

The other domes were too far away to purchase anything. The PX here was closed. Besides, they had so little of anything that would represent the feelings I have for her. Oh, and I forgot to mention it’s was our tenth wedding anniversary and third year here in the dome.

I was looking out my dome window of our apartment. The sky was beautiful. I had my telescope pointed toward The Button Galaxy. It was magnificent. Maybe a screen shot of the galaxy done up with some alternative color might be a nice holding present until that special gift arrived on the next freighter.

Susan walked into the room; she was in something sexy, and accessible. It was obvious she was expecting something, and not just me.

I just wanted her to be my sex slave for the day, and nothing too kinky or painful. She never said no, and I guess for our tenth, I was going to get my wish. Oh my god!

Her beauty and her smile and her willingness inspired me. And then the solution, the gift hit me.

I said, “Sue tomorrow, I will take your watch and you can enjoy the day off to yourself if you like, or you can call in sick and we can share it together. It’s your choice.”

I continued, “Here’s my prized cactus, a Lophophora williamsii. All the flowers are beautiful and have bloomed. They are called buttons. I know you love buttons. Dry them and mix them with tea. It will be magical, and it will be wonderful.”

She grinned, gave me a kiss, copped a quick feel, and said, “They’re beautiful.”

“Happy Solstice.” We both said to each other.

I gave her some magic buttons. She dried them in the wave. They weighed about 60g dried and made enough tea for both of us.

We sipped the tea and enjoyed the aroma. When we were finished I was sitting, smiling, just looking at her. She loosened her blouse and came toward me. I got my wishes that whole night, and we both got something that was mind blowing.

We celebrated a solstice that went on for what seemed like forever. Neither of us had ever experienced anything like that, alone or together.

****

We both got busted the next day and sent back home that very week on the shuttle that forgot my original gift. Home was something we both desired but never admitted, not wanting to put a damper on our working situation.

After the Solstice we had new desires. We really didn’t care about any bonus.

So as you can see, we are home. As a botanist, I can always find a job.

BTW, one more thing, Anhalonium overrides most forms of birth control.

Happy New Year!


The End

[kailhofer]

To vote, rate these stories using the form below with scores of 0-10 (in whole numbers) and send it to me via PM: (Copy it into memory, click the 'PM' button below my avatar (or depending on your board style, mouse over the green username by my avatar and a menu will pop up with an option to send a private message), paste the form in, & then fill in your scores.)

Categories:
1) What overall score would you give the story?
2) How good was the Characterization?
3) How effective (or original) was the plot?
4) How clear was the setting to you?
5) How good was the use of dialog?
6) How well did the story meet or address the challenge as it was given?

NOTE: you must have posted at least one message before you can send a PM. Join in a discussion or just say hi in a thread before voting via PM. If I suspect a voter of being a false identity (i.e. a troll), I won't count their vote.

Author scores for their own entry will not be counted.



What They Left Apart
1) Overall:
2) Characterization:
3) Plot:
4) Setting:
5) Dialog:
6) Challenge:

Communication
1) Overall:
2) Characterization:
3) Plot:
4) Setting:
5) Dialog:
6) Challenge:

The Three Hares
1) Overall:
2) Characterization:
3) Plot:
4) Setting:
5) Dialog:
6) Challenge:

The Present
1) Overall:
2) Characterization:
3) Plot:
4) Setting:
5) Dialog:
6) Challenge:

[Lester Curtis]

Had to get the heaving breasts in there, dintcha, Mark?

My votes are in. It was interesting to see how the challenging problem got solved.

[Lester Curtis]

Yeh . . . and we're still waiting for bottomdweller's promised tutorial on romance writing, but I'd say you could likely pass the exam without needing to take the class.

Oh -- and, getting back to the stories that did get in the competition, it looks like someone has way too much knowledge about recreational substances . . .

[Megawatts]

Didn't get one in this time. Got tied up with Christmas, relatives and the social requirements of the season! If I had my way I would like to subtract most of the relatives and social requirements from my Christmas, but, will, to quote a phrase form the movie The Hustle starring Jackie Gleason and Paul Newman: "Ahh, you know how it is." One of my favorite quotes.

Merry Christmas!!

[kailhofer]

Hope everyone had a nice holiday!

Your early race leader is: MICHELE. (too few contestants to do the normal style announcements)


Plenty of days left to vote.

[Lester Curtis]

Lester confess, we will go easier on you.

Never!!

[Lester Curtis]

Lester says "Never" - so is that never confess or never "borrow" an idea from someone else? Hmmmm??? Submit!

NEVER!!!


C'mon, BD, women are famous for saying "No means NO," so you ought to understand my position here . . .

. . . and where's that romance tutorial? Hmm?

Submit!

[Robert_Moriyama]

Lester says "Never" - so is that never confess or never "borrow" an idea from someone else? Hmmmm??? Submit!

NEVER!!!


C'mon, BD, women are famous for saying "No means NO," so you ought to understand my position here . . .

. . . and where's that romance tutorial? Hmm?

Submit!

Remember when the Q conjured up a Klingon female on the bridge of the Enterprise C and she wrapped herself around Worf's leg? When Worf shoved her away, Geordi asked him, "Don't you want to have sex with her?" (wildly inappropriate question) and Worf replied, "This IS sex!" (i.e., Klingons like it rough). Well, this IS Michelle's romance tutorial...

[kailhofer]

MICHELE continues to lead the tally, but not by very much anymore...

[kailhofer]

MICHELE's lead continues to dwindle... It's down to only 9 points!

If you haven't voted, you should. You really should. There's only four stories to rate, so it doesn't take long. It's your civic duty, after all, and these authors would vote for your story if you had one. That's just the kind of people they are.

Give these writers some feedback in the form of scores, please.

[kailhofer]

It's happened. The lead changed! RICK is now out front!


(Who'd a thunk that? )

[kailhofer]

Congratulations to Richard Tornello, winner of "The Perfect Gift" challenge! Richard's story, "The Present" beat out some excellent competition.

Nice to see you back on top, Rick.



For the record, these were the authors of the entries for this month:

What They Left Apart by Sergio Palumbo
Communication by Casey Callaghan
The Three Hares by Michele Dutcher
The Present by Richard Tornello





SCORES: (Overall next to the story title, then the average score next to each question #.)



What They Left Apart : 188
1) Overall: 5
2) Characterization: 4
3) Plot: 4
4) Setting: 7
5) Dialog: 2
6) Challenge: 5
# Zeroes: 4
# Perfect 10s: 1

Communication : 248
1) Overall: 6
2) Characterization: 6
3) Plot: 7
4) Setting: 5
5) Dialog: 5
6) Challenge: 7
# Zeroes: 0
# Perfect 10s: 0

The Three Hares : 270
1) Overall: 6
2) Characterization: 7
3) Plot: 6
4) Setting: 7
5) Dialog: 7
6) Challenge: 6
# Zeroes: 0
# Perfect 10s: 3

The Present : 279
1) Overall: 7
2) Characterization: 7
3) Plot: 6
4) Setting: 6
5) Dialog: 6
6) Challenge: 7
# Zeroes: 0
# Perfect 10s: 2

[Lester Curtis]

Congrats, Rick!

[Megawatts]

Congs Rick, nice job!

[Lester Curtis]

Thank you, I appreciate that, especially after a string of last places.

On to the next assignment/contest.

The way I voted, you were in last place this time. I've found I'm just different that way; my votes seldom come close to the overall pattern. I definitely do not fall under the middle of the bell curve . . . And, with the (usual) exception of Sergio, I really can't tell what story was written by who. Not consciously, anyway.

The standout for me this time was Michele's, and she often winds up near the bottom of my rankings. This one had superior characterization, dialog, and setting in my judgement (all 10's), but got the lowest score in the 'challenge' category.

[Lester Curtis]

What They Left Apart 31
1) Overall: 6
2) Characterization: 4
3) Plot: 7
4) Setting: 8
5) Dialog: 0
6) Challenge: 6

The theme in this one is nice, rather touching: the passing of a forbidden legacy from one generation to another, and on a forbidden holiday as well.

Setting detail was very good. Characterization would have been improved by the inclusion of some dialog, I think. Sorry for the zero on that, Sergio, but -- no dialog, no score.

Technical problems: mostly a lot of missed spaces between words.

***********

Communication 29
1) Overall: 7
2) Characterization: 5
3) Plot: 7
4) Setting: 2
5) Dialog: 1
6) Challenge: 7

What I liked best about this one is the way it answered the particularly difficult challenge. Very inventive.

There was a little cluster of glitches:

I had purchased her a gift, paid the frightful price to put it on the supply rocket to Earth, but it failed to reach us in time; there was a small leak in out backup backup backup air supply, and the extra air took priority –

Should have been "supply rocket from Earth" -- and "small leak in our backup . . . " I will assume that the leak delayed the launch; if it was found enroute, it would be repaired enroute, without changing course, of course.

*************

The Three Hares 49
1) Overall: 7
2) Characterization: 10
3) Plot: 8
4) Setting: 10
5) Dialog: 10
6) Challenge: 4

As I mentioned in a previous post, I thought this one had the best setting, dialog, and characterization of all the entries this time.

I got a kick out of:

The guys on the loading dock probably don’t know what a book is – they probably thought it was something to eat.

Science note: an eclipse viewed from the moon might not show the solar corona, or at least not much of it at one time. Think about it. Hey, someone has to take over for Bill Wolfe . . .

*************

The Present 28
1) Overall: 5
2) Characterization: 6
3) Plot: 6
4) Setting: 5
5) Dialog: 5
6) Challenge: 6

Points added for making me look up a couple of terms . . . points subtracted for a detail of the 'tea ceremony' -- from what I read, peyote is extremely nasty tasting, and expected to make the user nauseous, so it may not have been too pleasant, at first, anyway. I'll let it slide on authorial license and lack of personal experience.

Nice use of association between different sorts of buttons.

Something I just noticed: an inconsistency of the where/when variety. At the beginning, we read:

Why am I here you ask? I’ll tell you.

I needed a gift for the Earth Winter Solstice Holiday for my wife Susan. She had accompanied me here with the other

The problem being that, at the time the story is being narrated, "here" is Earth.

************

Last minute note: I see Bill has returned, so I can relax a little.

[Lester Curtis]

Here's the deal: I looked it up on the web, and that is exactly the way a lunar eclipse would look from the moon - they had a picture of it, with a caption: Lunar eclipse from the moon. Not only that, the date I chose was a date in the future when there will be a lunar eclipse - check it out. Here's the neat thing, on that date in the future if you are on the moon, that is exactly what the sky will look like. Amazing. No matter what mankind has done to fuck up the surface of the Earth.

The text in the APOD link below seems to support my argument. Please provide links to what you found; if photos of a corona are available, I'd love to see one.

http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap070302.html

http://science.nasa.gov/science-news/sc ... areclipse/

*************

And, to Rick: I missed the multiple levels of gifting in your story; nice job with that.

[Lester Curtis]

I searched google images then total lunar eclipse moon phasehttp://www.google.com/search?tbm=isch&h ... afe=active
scroll down to page 6 and there's a picture of a total lunar eclipse (such as the one I described in my now ultra-famous story 'The Three Hares'.

Mmm, no such critter on page 6 . . . on page 16, I find a painting -- an artist's conception. Not the same as a photo.

No matter. It's a lovely idea, and I'm sure it would be a spectacular sight in any case, and -- I did give you my highest score.

P.S. Page 1, this link -- some real lovelies:
http://www.google.com/search?tbm=isch&h ... 55&bih=925