Aphelion

The intro gets one’s interest, and I think the title is a good piece of advertising.

One mistake I found in grammar: Natkin death should be Natkin’s death. I make so many mistakes myself that I’m starting to examine every story for errors, even the newspaper!!!

I enjoyed to story, the science, the battles, and the ant size aliens who wanted to protect their home.

But the story had very little characterization. Dr. Bruce Meyer's remained more of an object then a person and the aliens remained just aliens! No personality to them, and there should have been.

Characters that come alive make the story for many. A terrible story that has good characterization is better than a great story with little characterization, usually but not always.

I have read stories with little character development and little sensory input that were excellent in plot and tone. And the lack of character development in those stories appeared to add to the  story. Very talented authors can go against the writing rules and still come out a winner. I’ve seen it and I’m sure many others have too.

Generally, in writing----non professional like myself---we should stick to good character development, sensory input and all the rules that are supposed to make a story worthy.  I’ve been attempting to learn the basics, then, with time I hope, I’ll be able to deviate from the basics and still make the story work! In time!

This story does show the potential of a good story without much character development, and to be honest, it did work for me!

If the alien judge acted like judge Judy, then the story would have really taken off. After all, just image someone trying to convince Judge Judy that he/she/it is an alien!!

However, on the positive side the description and sensory input of the corpses and lab worked for me. And the communication methods with the aliens----odors and dances---reminded me of insects upon which I could visualize an alien-insect like being. Good description throughout the story---not too much but just the right amout---really worked.

As the story unfolded, I became more interested!! And the ending--I had already figured it out---
wasn’t a let down. It became a smooth integral ending.

To recap, I liked the story, loved the science and thought that the story line was not some rehashed version. And the story did work form me even with the needed attention to characterization.

Good Job!

Sorry about the typo!! But then again the mosquito did need a name!

... Maybe the fighter craft were equipped to extract hydrocarbons and water to convert to fuel, air, and even food. So the corpses would serve as resource dumps. (They had eentsy Swiss Army (TM) knives and nano-rolls of duct tape, so they were prepared for ANYTHING.)

... Maybe the lasers weren't lasers per se, but something that used quantum-scale effects to disrupt matter (with heat as a side effect). It seems likely that nano-scale creatures would have learned to take advantage of the weirdness that ensues when dealing with individual atoms and molecules.

The one thing that seems REALLY unlikely to me is that the nano-people would communicate using an analog of hive insect wiggle-semaphore. (But maybe they didn't, but were able to recognize it as an attempt at communication, and came up with a pidgin Nanish that both sides could understand.)

(Say, how would a nervous system in which neurons are the size of large atoms function?...)

Robert "Anything can be explained, except maybe the income tax code of any large nation" M.

I didn’t find the science or methods of communication bizarre or outside the realm of possibility.
Odors and dancing together could be much quicker in communication since two avenues of transmitting info simultaneously would be possible.

In Nano technology, we have turbines and gears.

I seen first hand how the rules say no, then the very thing that can’t happen or be, is!!!

I thought some of the comments a trifle harsh! Yes, there were inconsistencies etc, but it was still fun. I know it's preferable to get the science right, but remember we're writing science fiction.

I particularly liked the fact that the nanobot was arrested for insulting a police officer. What a great first contact!

Gareth

Well, that's what one gets (I imagine) for wiggling one's hinder parts at a creature in uniform. :o

I guess you can't call that alien cop---a pig!!!!

Just finished reading your story.
First the good: I really enjoyed the plot that world that you created. I wanted to know more about the universe and the technology. The story held up all the way to the end. I didn't want to stop reading because I wanted to know what happened. That's always a good thing.

Now the indifferent: The characters were my biggest complaint. I didn't care for any of them, never felt their plight or any sympathy to either side. You can't have a great story or a great battle if you don't care who wins.

Honestly with a rewrite using the original as your outline, which is what I see in this story more than anything else, I think you could have an awesome story!

Either way keep writing. I look forward to seeing your name in the future and will check to see if you have any other stories in the Archives.

Matthew A. Reed

Silly boy. "Papa Joe" has had lots of stories in Aphelion (most of which aren't in the Archives yet -- Google "Aphelion Vadalma" and you should be able to find some of them), aside from his numerous books for which people have paid actual money (viz. his bio paragraph).