Aphelion

Wow . . . I mean, WOW!

You probably all know I'm not generally a fan of fantasy, but this -- this is art. A work of singular beauty, even when it's ugly.

I'll be looking up this author's other work -- and hoping to see more of it here!

Read this story. You won't be sorry.

Tim, I read both of the other stories that were linked to in your bio here, and liked them, but this is far superior to both of them.

I hope you get back to the craft soon.

As a side note, I’m a big cat lover. Having the cat die in such a violent manner lessened my enjoyment of the story. Yes, I understand it was essential for the plot, but what my heart feels and what my brain knows may be two different things. This is not a critique but a warning that you need to be aware of your audience’s potential reaction.

I'm a cat person too, Jamie, but that passage didn't lessen my appreciation for the story. The violence of the act was what was important, more than the object of the violence. It gave the ultimate proof of the viciousness of the character. I've found that it's sometimes necessary to kill a likeable character in a story in order to forward the plot, and you can't deny that it's a powerful emotional device.

As to paragraph breaks in a monologue, I use them when I have to, but they make me nervous. In a lot of cases, it's too easy for a reader to think that the new paragraph means someone else is speaking. We just have to trust our audience to figure it out -- and be especially careful with punctuation and attribution. I had no problem with the way Mr. James did it.

I also thought Francelly’s speech seemed a little more modern than I might have expected, but that didn't bother me a bit. And, I don't know about "dumbass," but I'm pretty sure that "bitch" has been used as an insult for at least a few thousand years.