Escape by Matthew D. Ryan
Posted: April 21, 2012, 11:54:03 PM
This story was too heavy on exposition, but other than that, I liked it. The characters were distinctive, well-rendered, and believable, and the plot and story progression were excellent. Setting details and descriptions of action were very good, too. I also liked that the plot was fresh, and I couldn't guess what was going to happen in advance.
Mr. Ryan, I might suggest you stretch the story out a little to bring out the details a bit more naturally; it felt too much as if the characters were telling each other things they already knew, especially at the beginning. This story was compact and quick to read, but it would have been better to make it a little longer for the sake of "show, don't tell."
I could really feel the plight of these poor guys, and that's what a good story should make the reader do. A little more showing and less telling, and this would be top-shelf stuff.
Mr. Ryan, I might suggest you stretch the story out a little to bring out the details a bit more naturally; it felt too much as if the characters were telling each other things they already knew, especially at the beginning. This story was compact and quick to read, but it would have been better to make it a little longer for the sake of "show, don't tell."
I could really feel the plight of these poor guys, and that's what a good story should make the reader do. A little more showing and less telling, and this would be top-shelf stuff.