Aphelion

This seemed to be a very well-written story when I started it, but after a while, I got a little impatient with all the setting description and started wondering when the story was going to get back to being about the characters.

The plot is very weak in this story. Bethany's only objective in the whole piece was to get rid of Alan, which she did with no resistance from him and only the most miniscule conflict within herself. That also made for rather weak characterization from both of them.

Other than that, I found one point where a few missing commas made me backtrack briefly:

-- one of his other friends Scott made it a point to stay in bed until midday but, of course, he read Geography and lectures (and, from what Alan had seen, work in general) were strictly optional in that subject.

Commas are extremely powerful little things, and should be carefully kept track of.

Nice style; not enough substance.