Dreamsicles by J.E. Deegan

[Robert_Moriyama]

As a NON-literary writer (I write to entertain myself, and hope that at least some of whatever audience I may have has an interesting time, too), I wasn't bothered by any of the items mentioned by Jaimie. Only one bit of dialogue seemed seriously awkward to me (a matter of trimming a few words); otherwise the story worked pretty well.<br><br>We are not told what has brought Limboland to its current wretched state; it could be the derelict core of a small city that has lost its major employer and has died a slow death of attrition until only the destitute and the near-destitute live there. On the other hand, it could be just one piece of a world where unspecified factors have led to a widespread economic collapse ...<br><br>Despite the lack of physical description of Lincoln and Molly, their quiet dignity and affection for each other makes them immensely likeable and real. The ending, while certainly qualifying as a case of deus ex machina as Jaimie says, feels fitting, the smallest of boons granted to two people who, if they have failed to achieve greatness, at least have provided comfort to one another, and have harmed no one. I am reminded somewhat of the ending of Spielberg's movie, A.I., where the David robot is given the semblance of what he has yearned for over the centuries -- and is content at last.<br><br>So -- what was the 'celestial event that covered half the world'? Were other wishes granted in virtual form, or was this a side effect of a divine (or benevolent alien) act of mercy directed only at Lincoln and Molly?<br><br>A religious (in the non-sectarian sense) fairy tale, effectively told, sad and sweet.<br><br>Robert M.

[kailhofer]

At first I agreed with the idea that Lincoln and Molly could have just as well lived under a bridge or in a cardboard box, but now I disagree.<br><br>There's something to the idea that things are that bad all over and not just that these two are down on their luck. Even setting the time back to the Depression wouldn't have given as deep a sense of despair or loneliness as there is in a post-apocalyptic world. There may not be any green hills to build their dream house on, and grass may not even grow anymore. Two homeless people endlessly waiting for Godot under the bridge doesn't equal up.<br><br>I thought there was good writing professionalism here. Everything was, for the most part, easy to understand. No grammatical, glaring punctuation errors, or any such ilk.<br><br>Setting: I thought that Limboland could have used some more world building. All I got out of it was that things were bad, and they found a spot for themselves in the terminal. I myself have only been in airport terminals, (I was a country boy) so I didn't have a good picture of what it looked like (just what I've seen in TV and movies). Their little hut was good, and I could picture that just fine.<br><br>I also thought the pair were good, sympathetic characters who developed well. They stayed in their predicament and chose to pray as a way to resolve their problems, and it paid off for them.<br><br>As far as plot, I thought the part until the first break with Jason Mohs, was entirely unneeded. This story could have started just fine, "On a wickedly cold night in the dead of winter, Lincoln Hanks and Molly Furth..." <br><br>Furthermore, I think the intro confused things. There was no "astonishing celestial event that had covered half the globe" the day before. The text said it was a single, narrow shaft of light, and that can't cover half a globe.<br><br>The question of who or what sent the icicles was left hanging, but that was probably to make us do some soul searching.<br><br>All the dividers and point of view breaks at the conclusion suggested that this story didn't know how to end. My suggestion would be to stop at the "Or so some might say." The rest really wasn't needed for the plot.<br><br>I think dialog was handled well. Their speech was consistent with their characters; they sounded like an old, loving couple.<br><br>So, all in all, a good read.<br><br>Nate

[JED]

I thank everyone for their comments about DREAMSICLES. The feedback has been very interesting, and I appreciate it. <br><br>I'd like to clarify a point one reader made regarding a contridiction in the description of the clestial event. It is true that the "event" covered half the globe; however, all Lincoln and Molly could see of it was the shard of light that entered the terminal through a crack in the ceiling. <br><br>After much thought, it might have been more effective to have the "event" reduced to a single beam of light that zeroed in on the crack in the terminal's ceiling.<br><br>Thanks again, everyone.<br><br> J.E. Deegan