Entrechats in Bloody Snow By Lee Alon

[Megawatts]

Good action packed war story set in the future. <br><br>Stories are like paintings. Each reader can finish a story and have different feelings and themes come to him.<br><br>The word Vienna suggested Viet-Nam to me. ( I served in 'Nam during to war ) And not long after that, the word Hue ( used as an adjective in the story I believe) popped up and the city of "Hue, Viet-nam" came to me. <br><br>There was a hell of a battle in Hue one time.<br><br>I'm sure that Lee didn't use "Vienna" and "Hue" to suggest Viet-Nam, and the only reason that I mentioned my feelings were to demonstrate how our life experiences can influence our writing and reading.<br><br>The story was well written and set in an area that has been subjected to war since the time of Christ!<br><br>I like the symbol of the horse and rider representing civilians who are caught in a battle! <br><br>I felt at times that I were back in the army and under Hoffer's command! Good description, and great use sights and sound that surround a battlefield.<br><br>I'm not too sure about the Andalus dancing at the end.<br>Was his wounds cured? Did the pain medication take away the pain so that he could dance? I'm a little lost there, but the important thing is the story entertains and that's what is important!<br><br>

[kailhofer]

I think this story needed a bigger canvas to show us its complete colors.<br><br>No disrespect intended for the "colors" it did show--I found the image of the bloody ballerina to be gripping and downright disconcerting, and my story chopped off a woman's head last month. But the fact that Andalus was there dancing told me that Lee was trying to make a statement of some kind, probably of rebirth of hope, or the ridiculously horrifying waste of war... dunno for sure, because I didn't catch it.<br><br>Whatever the deeper message was, I felt that it needed more character development to show it. The members of the platoon changed over so quickly that I didn't get attached to any of them. (18 were there? I lost track, but there always seemed to be another when one was shot.) If it was just the Major I was supposed to follow... I guess I tuned him out trying to figure out if the dynamic going on between the soldiers and the Doc was the main thrust of the story or not.<br><br>I would have liked to have known these characters more before they bought it, so that their deaths would have a deeper emotional impact. As it was, a lot of players dashed across the stage, more than I could keep track of. If there had only been a half-dozen it might have helped since there would have been less to learn.<br><br>I also wondered if the aliens were needed for the story as it played out. The tale was in the future or an alternate universe, so it was already SF. The Major could have found persons in the command tent who were just as devoid of feeling as the curious aliens were. As it was, the aliens seemed responsible for causing and prolonging the war, instead of the even more frightening humans it could have been.<br><br>I've not read many stories like this, so maybe I missed some conventions of the genre. Nevertheless, I felt it was an all right story, but one that could have been better with more depth of characterization and a lengthier plot.<br><br>Nate

[kailhofer]

and Nate, how about representing all five of your senses? stayed faithful to your rules in this one, did you notice?

Lee

<br>I did. Good for you!<br><br>I think the reality brought in by those additional sensations might have been part of my confusion over whether the conflict over Andalus' corpse was the main plot or not. Doc and the other soldiers' inputs made their actions and situations more real to me than usual supporting characters, and that's partly why I felt they deserved that bigger canvas to play out their emotional developments & story arcs.<br><br>I'd never thought about it before, and in apparent contradiction to my usual advice, this may be a good argument for limiting (to some degree) that sensory input when the POV is from a lesser character, especially if that character is not going to be fully developed. Perhaps a better suggestion may be not to jump POV to any such characters--it defocuses the main character's impact.<br><br>Nate

[iuchiban]

I have to say that so far out of the stories that I have read in this issue this is by far my favorite. I love war drama and the near future combat of the story really strikes a chord with a genre I really love. It reminds me of my good ole days playing rifts...<br><br>I loved the description of the "chain smoker" and I like the nearly "steampunk" feel of the technology. Where it is just a little bit more than we have now but not much.<br><br>One thing that I didn't like was that sometimes the jargon that the soilders used was a little distracting. I know that they are soilders so I cound have done with less of that but that is just my opinion.<br><br>I like the Gen X idea...that we are the Generation that has no great war no legacy so we make one...I can see how a single soilder could come to that conclusion with a war like the one that you described. <br><br>I have to agree that the framework is huge for the scope of the story that you are telling...it made me interested in knowing so much more about what is going on. I would love to see more stories set in this framework. Even a novel? I loved it.<br><br>

[iuchiban]

I don't think there was anything that I could specifically put my thumb on, and when I think about it redundant was really the right word...I think a better word would be distracting. When reading stuff about the military, it is acurate to use a lot of jargon because that is how people talk in the military but when reading about that it can really distract from the story telling.<br><br>I think at the begenning of the story it kind of comes across like that, but as the story progresses that goes away...right around the part where the guy is fighting the UN troops in his power armor. At least that is where I stopped noticing it... ;)<br><br>I hope that helps.