Upcoming Centenary

[Robert_Moriyama]

Uh-oh, I read it. Does this mean I'll be buried along a stretch of remote highway somewhere? Or will some spasmodic little girl-thing with long, wet black hair crawl out of my PC monitor and--

<br><br>Don't be silly. An n-dimensional entity that may or may not be the basis for the C'thulhu mythos will extrude a 3-dimensional pseudopod into our universe and rotate your epidermis through the 4th dimension (i.e., turn you inside out). (I do hope your carpets and furniture have been Scotch-garded(TM) ... all those fluids are going to make a mess.) Then a pyrokinetic will cause the remains to burn at a temperature so high that combustion will be close to 100% complete (leaving very little ash, but also consuming all the oxygen in the vicinity). This will not, unfortunately, do anything to dry up all them there aforementioned fluids, since the heat will be tightly focused and contained.<br><br>(Oops ... what's that? I'm not supposed to tell people how Aphelion cleans up its problems? Er, nice Elder God, nice Elder God -- oo, you like it when I scratch your pseudopod there don't you?)<br><br>Robert (busy bribing a pyrokinetic) M.

[Robert_Moriyama]

Hm. I'd rather take my chances with the creepy little girl.

<br><br>Speaking of whom, the WB TV series 'Supernatural' did a blatant rip-off of that image (except that it was a woman whose spirit killed anyone with a guilty secret who invoked her name three times while standing in front of a mirror ('Bloody Mary') instead of a drowned psychokinetic (and just plain psycho) girl).  (Hence the plot was the unholy offspring of 'Candyman' and 'Ringu'...)<br><br>Exactly why 'Bloody Mary' should have the hair-hanging-in-the-face-shambling-walk-deathly-pallor look was never explained ... apparently it's the trendy look for vengeful spirits this year.<br><br>Robert M.<br><br>Great line from 'Addams Family Values':<br><br>Girl at summer camp, seeing Wednesday dressed in her usual all-black outfit:<br>Why are you dressed like somebody died?<br><br>Wednesday:<br>Wait.

[kailhofer]

The ideas that spring to mind for me are a selection of 'Best of the Best' stories from the last 100 issues (maybe kick over whatever rock TaoPhoenix hides under these days for input) or a selection of most memorable happenings/moments, or maybe even vote for the favorite cover since there's that catalog of them.<br><br>Maybe a contest, or fiction challenge...? Who can write the funniest story that puts a character named "Nate" in his place? :) Or maybe who can create the most interesting situation to put Mare character Max into? Something like that??<br><br><br>"Nate"

[Robert_Moriyama]

Let's include Robert M's top 100 Dubya slams and if someone has no life whatsoever, the top 100 nastiest posts.

<br><br>Oo, would that include the Simon (not Litchfield) and Elizabeth fragfest?<br><br>That marked the beginning of Nate's conversion to The Formula that prescribes exactly what a story must contain and must strive to achieve. (It's like Scientology, but you don't have to jump up and down on Oprah's couch if you land a hot girlfriend -- good news for Dan H. ...)<br><br>Robert M.

[kailhofer]

Oo, would that include the Simon (not Litchfield) and Elizabeth fragfest?

That marked the beginning of Nate's conversion to The Formula that prescribes exactly what a story must contain and must strive to achieve. (It's like Scientology, but you don't have to jump up and down on Oprah's couch if you land a hot girlfriend -- good news for Dan H. ...)

Robert M.

<br>Oh c'mon, Robert. Everybody's doing it.<br><br>You too can become a Follower of The Way. <br><br>As soon as you acknowledge it's simple truth, all the doors of story creation open before you. Inner peace surrounds you in it's warm embrace, filling you with the secrets of plot structure, character development, diverse dialogue, professionalism, and convincing world-building.<br><br>You... know... you... want... to.<br><br>Let us recite together the prophet Silverberg's Generic Plot of All Stories.<br><br>No? Well, I tried. ;)<br><br>Nate

[Robert_Moriyama]

Oh c'mon, Robert. Everybody's doing it.

You too can become a Follower of The Way.

As soon as you acknowledge it's simple truth, all the doors of story creation open before you. Inner peace surrounds you in it's warm embrace, filling you with the secrets of plot structure, character development, diverse dialogue, professionalism, and convincing world-building.

You... know... you... want... to.

Let us recite together the prophet Silverberg's Generic Plot of All Stories.

No? Well, I tried. ;)

Nate

<br><br>If I become a Wayologist, do they issue me my very own Katie Holmes equivalent? Or is that only L. Ron Hubbard's crowd? (Ah, yes -- Scientology -- the crowning achievement of Hubbard's career in science fiction (Writers of the Future Contest notwithstanding). A fake religion way better than the one Heinlein came up with in 'Fifth Column', in spite of its dependence on 1940's-vintage technology and psychobabble.)<br><br>Robert M.

[kailhofer]

If I become a Wayologist, do they issue me my very own Katie Holmes equivalent?
Robert M.

<br>No, though I'm pretty sure if you become Wayward, you could get Sandra Bernhard. :-*<br><br>Nate

[Robert_Moriyama]

No, though I'm pretty sure if you become Wayward, you could get Sandra Bernhard. :-*

Nate

<br><br>I think I'd need to have some major adjustments to my plumbing to get her. Anyway, if The Way is offering cast members of 'The L Word' as signing bonuses (makes more sense than banks giving out rifles if you open accounts), there are several more appealing choices ...<br><br>Robert 'What was the subject of this thread again?' M.

[Robert_Moriyama]

Which Bank was that that's giving away guns? I need to open an account there! Yahoo! America is not yet doomed after all!

This almost makes up for the IDiots getting the upper hand in a Kansas BOE decision.  Almost...

Oh, on topic for a moment: Wishbone may be finished with his Mare story for Issue 100. Maybe earlier, but I don't know how much writing time he has nowadays. Linda Kelly is sending a Mare story, too.  And last night while I was at work, I got a flash of an opening scene for a Mare story... I sense a slight trend here.  ::)  Not that I *want* a whole issue of Mare stories, mind you.  :)

Dan

<br>From MichaelMoore.com<br><br>***<br>So, how crazy are the things they've said about "Bowling for Columbine?" Here are my favorites:<br><br>    "That scene where you got the gun in the bank was staged!" <br><br>Well of course it was staged! It's a movie! We built the "bank" as a set and then I hired actors to play the bank tellers and the manager and we got a toy gun from the prop department and then I wrote some really cool dialogue for me and them to say! Pretty neat, huh?<br><br>Or...<br><br>The Truth: In the spring of 2001, I saw a real ad in a real newspaper in Michigan announcing a real promotion that this real bank had where they would give you a gun (as your up-front interest) for opening up a Certificate of Deposit account. They promoted this in publications all over the country – "More Bang for Your Buck!"<br><br>There was news coverage of this bank giving away guns, long before I even shot the scene there. The Chicago Sun Times wrote about how the bank would "hand you a gun" with the purchase of a CD. Those are the precise words used by a bank employee in the film.<br><br>When you see me going in to the bank and walking out with my new gun in "Bowling for Columbine" – that is exactly as it happened. Nothing was done out of the ordinary other than to phone ahead and ask permission to let me bring a camera in to film me opening up my account. I walked into that bank in northern Michigan for the first time ever on that day in June 2001, and, with cameras rolling, gave the bank teller $1,000 – and opened up a 20-year CD account. After you see me filling out the required federal forms ("How do you spell Caucasian?") – which I am filling out here for the first time – the bank manager faxed it to the bank's main office for them to do the background check. The bank is a licensed federal arms dealer and thus can have guns on the premises and do the instant background checks (the ATF's Federal Firearms database—which includes all federally approved gun dealers—lists North Country Bank with Federal Firearms License #4-38-153-01-5C-39922).<br><br>Within 10 minutes, the "OK" came through from the firearms background check agency and, 5 minutes later, just as you see it in the film, they handed me a Weatherby Mark V Magnum rifle (If you'd like to see the outtakes, click here).<br><br>***<br>(Moore says he plans to melt the gun down and have it cast into a bust of John Ashcroft to be auctioned off on e-Bay -- proceeds to The Brady Fund.)<br><br>The movie also includes a great quote from Chris Rock:<br><br>You don't need no gun control. You know what you need? Bullet control. I think all bullets should cost $5000. You know why? If a bullet cost $5000 there'd be no more innocent bystanders. <br><br>***<br>Somebody -- I can't remember who -- has suggested that buying ammunition should be the thing that requires a lot of paperwork.  Certainly addresses the problem of the millions of guns that are out there, some forgotten or misplaced and so not registered ...  At least there'd be an upper limit on how many people you might shoot before you had to do some paperwork (a great deterrent, unless you're a born bureaucrat).<br><br>So Dan, even if the deal is still being offered -- and I'd guess that post-'Bowling for Columbine', they've probably cancelled it -- Michigan is a long drive to get one lousy long gun.  'Specially in the Tri-Mag!<br><br>Robert M.<br><br>(PS  One thing Moore got very wrong was that stuff suggesting that Canadians don't even feel it necessary to lock their doors.  Maybe in South Porcupine (Actual Place Name!), but not in any sizable city ...)<br><br>(PPS Oops -- Just realized that Moore said that the offer had been advertised all over the country ... dunno if that bank has branches down South or not.)

[Robert_Moriyama]

... won't be 'upcoming' for much longer. Short stories have been uploaded (including MY six picks for Best of '05) and supporting material has been submitted for inclusion on the index page and cover.<br><br>Over to you, Jeff, Dan, Iain, and Rob!<br><br>Robert M.

[Robert_Moriyama]

I am very much looking forward to issue 100.


-- david j.

<br><br>You'll be even happier when you see what's in it. Bwahahahaha!<br><br>Robert M.