[POLL] VOTE: April 2016 Flash Challenge

[kailhofer]

You both do know that window is adjustable, right? Click and drag the divider to the left to make more room on the right.

I agree your content/subject division method could be much more useful to a casual reader instead of for authors like it is set up for now. The next time TaoPhoenix, the Archives Editor, resurfaces, we'll have to suggest it to him.

[kailhofer]

You say you liked my characterization in the story, but that was what worried me the most when I had finished. I don't feel like I had made the characters interesting. The characters and their back stories is what I like best as I read and I don't feel I did them justice this time.

I disagree. The regret comes through clearly at the beginning. Flash is a difficult balance between too much and too little characterization. You have to buy into a character, but you don't really enough words to do it properly, so you have to tap into things the audience can grab from their own experiences to fill in the gaps. You know she's regretful for something bad, and that's enough at first. She's flirtatious, and her drifting in and out of that, thinking about him, I thought that was your best bit of characterization. There are windows into her soul, and that worked for me. She thought like what I would imagine a woman thinks like. (Whether a woman really does or not is immaterial. It fills gaps in a reader's mind, at least it did in mine, and that's the important bit.)

I didn't foreshadow the plot, cause I wanted to surprise the readers with a twist in the story and didn't want the readers to know ahead of time. Do you think that was wrong? So I know what your thinking, can you describe to me your thoughts on foreshadowing the plot and how you do it. I appreciate your comments.l

Well, you do kind of foreshadow the plot a bit with the reference to 300 years and the disaster, but the alien at the end part still threw me. I needed something besides the 300 years. I thought she could have been a normal human changed somehow by what happened. Since you wanted a surprise reveal, what could you have done... Thinking aloud here... What I think you needed were a few bits that on the surface seem interesting but innocuous. Then later, after you know the truth, they'd make perfect sense. Perhaps some thought that was from a non-human perspective about something every human would know, like being amazed at ice cream. Or, being fascinated by his ear lobes, or some such. Drop a few tidbits like those along the way, ala breadcrumbs.

Plus, instead of info-dumping how everything died, I think you missed a plot opportunity for Angelina to share that destruction with Daniel. Imagine them fighting for their existence and she survives because we learn at the last second she was an alien and had superior constitution. Showing that rather than telling us, I feel, would have made a stronger story for you, and then could have tied in with hints dropped earlier.

It's a difficult thing to explain, really, and obviously it's only my opinion. Because I said it, it doesn't make it gospel. Just please keep trying!

May I say now that I know you wrote "Heist", those were wonderful characters you wrote and brought to life. I could see them and empathize with them. They were cute and cuddly and I wished I had stuffed toy versions of them (I love stuffed animals).

A stuffed Rinn? That'd be like getting a little horny octopus... or squidly... tentacled thingy. I described her, a little, but left him deliberately vague, so you could fill him in yourself, saving on word count.

[Lester Curtis]

Maybe it was the way you described their loving on each other and I did (I suppose) filled in an appearance for her without realizing it. Nevertheless, if they can make a stuffed Ren (Ren and Stimpy), they can make a toy horny little squidly.

Angel

Not hard to find, though the horniness may cost extra.

http://www.amazon.com/Creature-Giant-Sq ... lush+squid

If you want extra cuteness, though, you need the octopus.

http://www.amazon.com/Ty-Beanie-Boos-Oc ... opus+plush

The staff here is always pleased to be of service (but you still have to buy those with your own money).

[Lester Curtis]

Oh Lester, the story "Jed" was so sad. He found him a friend (Kate) - or a lover (kinda of) and lost her in a tragic twist of fate. It changed him forever. Oh the precious moments we have that we should cherish while we have them. Touching.

I consider that my best flash; the challenge had to do with Valentine's Day, I think. You see what I mean about endings, though.

***
"Requiem" was modern Shakespeare and I loved the literary feel of the narrative.

Passages like "Your body a lacework of scars" and "Father, my sword-thrust was hilt-deep,
Straight through the heart, And it does not die." touch the heart as well as the mind.

Having powerful prose at your disposal, why don't you write more often?

Was this inspired by Beowulf?

Never read it ... saw the movie, but it wasn't that great. Naw, it's just a werewolf story, and I wrote my entry in verse because it felt right that way. Easy to get inside the word count, too.

***
Do you fancy birds? "Unfeathered" has a whole world built in this flash size story. Serious characterization. Great detective story, sort of 1940's like, but with aliens who have much of the same human traits as we do.

Skekko was a requisite of the challenge ("Murder Most Fowl"), and this one came easily to me. In my SF novel universe I have an avian species of aliens, and long ago, I took a correspondence course in bird biology just so I could describe them with some authority.

"Sniffer-bots" is a cool concept.

I brought that over from my SF universe, too. We're pretty close to having those right now.

***
A Thorn Among Roses - "...not just a single species, but an entire genus of sentient, motile plant-life." Great concept!

This is an unusual story. Quite a creative imagination you have. The dialogue was professional. This needed a longer literary performance.
***

I did enjoy these stories and I learned from reading and studying them. Thank you for sharing.

Love, Angel

Glad you enjoyed these, and now I know how to push your buttons. I just don't have time to dig through the archive for all the schmaltz, but if you like, I can send you copies by PM.

Meanwhile:

http://www.freevoteusa.com/AphelionArch ... Cigar.html

[kailhofer]

Nate, I didn't realize that writing a complete story under a thousand words would be so difficult. When I write without word limits, it takes me 1,000 words to wink and say hello.

Everyone assumes that a flash piece must be easier to write because it's so short. The truth is the exact opposite. It's much harder, and that's why a lot of us do it.

This is really good. It would be a good way to end with a tragic romance. I don't think I could have done this in a thousand words. May I use your plot concepts for a longer story?

Sure. Anytime I suggest anything like that, you can automatically assume it's safe to use. I won't ever be offended.

Good luck!

[kailhofer]

Lester and Nate, I apologize, I didn't mean to impugn the labor already accomplished on the fiction archives or be disparaging of the editor who does the work. I was just thinking as an outsider and how it could be set up for the accessibility of the public. It is a real asset for bringing people to the site and for authors to submit their fiction.

My "tiny window" problem was fixed by tech support at work. I now get a full size window for each story.

I'm going to read the flash stories first, because they are easier to bookmark.

I'm contemplating if I should write again. I don't know, it's been awhile and I'm not wanting to embarrass myself with an entry.

Thanks to both of you for helping me.

I don't think anyone thought you were slighting the archives editor. On the contrary, a new perspective on the matter is often hugely important toward reaching a broader audience. I'm quite sure Tao would love anything that got people to use his archives more.

Go ahead, try writing again, and then submit it here either to the challenges or to the magazine itself. Aphelion is the best place I've ever seen to get your feet under you as a writer. You get some exposure, and generally some useful feedback without it ever being embarrassing. Our whole purpose is to help writers get better. That's why Dan keeps paying the bills.