Campout By Ron Bruno
Moderator: Editors
- kailhofer
- Editor Emeritus
- Posts: 3245
- Joined: December 31, 1969, 08:00:00 PM
- Location: Kaukauna, Wisconsin (USA)
- Contact:
Re: Campout By Ron Bruno
I'm not a big horror fan, but I think Mr. Bruno is showing some real improvement from work that appeared in recent months.<br><br>This story definitely had some things going for it: the setting was engaging (right down to the spooky shack in the woods), the main character was believable and sympathetic (even though that kind of camping isn't my scene--instead give me a log cabin, a fishing pole, and a healthy distance from everybody else), and the dialogue read very much like people I know who go camping exactly as the characters do in this story (minus the death and dismemberment, of course).<br><br>Professionalism matters. MSWord is a great tool in this regard, both for spell check and many grammar concerns.<br><br>On setting, I'd employ more senses. The heady aromas of a campfire, the strong whiffs of beer floating across the site, the annoyance of the chucklehead next to you who had too many beans... The crackling and popping of a wet log heavy with sap, the pounding of a red-headed woodpecker as it drilled the tree over your head... That sunburned feeling you get when you've sat too close to the fire for too long a period, or the itch of those chigger bites... these sensory inputs make that part of the story seem more real, and increase the impact at the end when the truth comes out.<br><br>It was hard to put a finger on Rob, and exactly what he needed for resolution. As I reached the end, I could see conflict within him regarding the earlier murder. Was he trying to be caught, or did he need to do it again? <br><br>Without this resolution, the story almost seemed to be an opening movement, even though I don't think it was meant to. Rob's character arc is left hanging--either to do good or evil in the future, without direction.<br><br>Others will disagree, I'm sure. Nevertheless, I feel giving Rob a more clear direction will make him more human (or more evil), and make this a better read.<br><br>Nate